5 Things I Wish I’d Known 10 Years Ago

Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

When we have the courage to truly witness and learn from our experiences, we create room for growth. It allows us to reframe our past and make better decisions going forward. 

I’m approaching 30 and it has caused me to become particularly reflective about the past decade and the woman I am becoming. 

Looking back, I can see how much unnecessary pressure I put on myself. And so, I compiled a list of some of the lessons I wish I had known sooner. 

Here are 5 things I wish I’d known 10 years ago. 

1. Don’t work too hard

I took life so seriously as a 20-year-old! I was continually hustling and worrying, denying myself fun and rest as I worked to build my career. What I didn’t realize at the time is that life is a marathon, not a race. It’s a matter of steady progress and right timing. 

If I could go back, I would travel more, party more, and worry way less about the future. Fun doesn’t hinder — it’s what the process is all about. We are meant to enjoy our life. 

Nearing 30, I feel I’m no further ahead as a result of my constant exertion. The hustle and sacrifice didn’t pay off — it only cost me joy. I’d likely have ended up at the same crossroads if I had just taken it easy and enjoyed my time. For all I know, I could even be further ahead. But at the very least, I would have fantastic memories to look back on and a few more friends. 

Now, I believe joy must come first. Hustle for the sake of some future acquisition — be that wealth, notoriety, or career progression — just isn’t worth it if you’re not having fun. 

2. There’s no shame in being single

I used to feel a lot of shame around being single. 

This comes from societal pressure: We are taught to strive for romance and to fear solitude. Romantic partnership is put on a pedestal. And it is generally assumed that if we’re single for too long, there must be something wrong with us. We are pitied for being lonely and unfulfilled. 

Honestly, it’s better to be single than to be in a relationship with the wrong person — or for the wrong reasons. Relationships are hard work — and they don’t ‘fix’ anything. Feelings of low self-worth don’t miraculously disappear once someone loves you. They may, temporarily, but eventually, our wounds and anxieties re-emerge. 

Ultimately, the most important relationship we have is with ourselves.

In my early 20s, I was doing a lot of healing. I needed to focus on myself. Solitude was the right thing for me at that point in time. 

Now, I believe that relationships find us when we are ready. In the meantime: there is no shame in being single, and we don’t need anybody to complete us. Each of us carries individual responsibility for our own feeling of wholeness.

3. You don’t need to prove yourself to anybody

Learning to stop seeking others’ approval takes time. For me, it’s a work in progress — but a change I am wholeheartedly working to integrate. 

Like many, I have spent years living in accordance with what I believe others expect of me. I have made choices in pursuit of validation — to prove that I am worthy — and when I’ve fallen short, I’ve suffered a lot for it. 

Recognizing the ways it led to anxiety and encouraged my feelings of unworthiness, I made the conscious decision to give up the fight. Fighting for validation is a waste of time and energy. It puts our power in the hands of others — and we can’t please everyone anyway. 

Now, I try to live my life for me. I’ve removed the filter of others’ approval and I’m replacing it with my own needs and values. 

4. You’re not as weird as you think you are

We all have things about us that we believe are unacceptable.

There is a lot we don’t talk about, and it sinks into the shadows as shame. 

When I was younger, I didn’t realize that others struggled with the same things as me. My quirks were not mirrored in others. I simply didn’t see myself reflected enough in the media, conversations, or in the day-to-day ways others expressed themselves. As a result, I felt isolated. 

Things like my eating disorder, sexuality, and poor mental health made me feel like a reject — not to mention my dreams, opinions, and silly sense of humour. 

Thankfully, we are becoming more honest as a society. Mental health is becoming de-stigmatized, sexual fluidity and authentic self-expression more celebrated. More people are sharing their imperfections and silliness online — letting their freak flag fly.

The truth is, we are all a little freakish (messy, wounded, strange), so we don’t need to harbour so much shame around it.

I now know that authenticity sets us free and vulnerability brings us together. I’m not as unacceptable as I think. 

5. Things get easier 

In some ways, life feels harder than it did 10 years ago. However, with time, I’ve grown better-equipped to navigate it. 

Also: things change. In a year or two, a person’s life can totally shift. I’ve experienced this for myself — my 20s have been a series of eras, each different from the last. 

I wish I had known this as a 20-year-old who felt so fated by her circumstance. I wish I had known how drastically things could change — for they did. 

Now, I have more faith in things working out. I have more wisdom, and that gives me a greater sense of trust in the ebbs and flows of my path.  

Generally, I’ll say that we become more humble as we age. 

As a 20-year-old, I thought I knew so much, when I barely knew anything at all. 

It makes me wonder what I’ll know 10 years from now — and what future me will wish she could tell me today.