5 things I wish I’d known 10 years ago
Here, I’ve complied a list as I reflect on the woman I’ve become over the past decade.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing. It allows us to re-frame our past experiences and make better decisions going forward. When we have the courage to truly witness and learn from our experiences, room is made for growth, and a clearer path into the future is paved …
I’m approaching 30, so just for funzies, I’ve complied a list as I reflect on the woman I’ve become over the past decade:
5 Things I Wish I’d Known 10 Years Ago
1. Don’t work too hard
I took life so seriously as a 20 year old! I was continually hustling and worrying, denying myself fun and rest as I desperately worked toward my desired career, trying to figure it all out. What I didn’t realise is that life is a marathon, not a race. It’s a matter of steady progress and right timing, where ease and fun aid you, not inhibit you.
If I could go back, I would travel more, party more and worry way less about the future … And the same can be applied now! The purpose of life is joy. It’s not worth hustling, over-working and making sacrifices for the sake of some greater good, (whether that be money, notoriety, career progression, respect …) Chill the eff out, and enjoy your life while you’re in it.
2. There’s no shame in being single
I used to feel a lot of shame around being single – and I’m conscious that this comes from a societal pressure. We are made to believe that being single is a bad thing. If you’re single for too long, something must be wrong with you; you must be lonely, unfulfilled. There can also be a lot of anxiety, (what if I never find someone?)
Honestly, it’s better to be single than to be in a relationship with the wrong person– or to be in a relationship for the wrong reason, such as to cure your loneliness. Relationships are hard work, and half the time, they ain’t all they’re cracked up to be.
The most important relationship we have is with ourselves, so the connection between you and you should be king.
If I could go back, I’d tell 20 year old me: Focus on yourself. There’s no shame in being single, and you don’t need anybody else to make you complete. The right relationships will come at the right time, and you will be ready for them when they do.
3. You don’t need to prove yourself to anybody
I’m only just wrapping my head around this one – yet it really is a relief to stop seeking others approval.
Previously, I have lived my life in accordance with what I believe others expected from me. I have done things or sought things in order to be validated, and to prove myself worthy; and when I’ve fallen short, I’ve suffered a lot, deeming myself a failure.
I’ve purposefully shifted away from this, because it only leads to anxiety and encourages low self-esteem. Ultimately, it’s a waste of time and energy, because you could never please everyone anyway. People’s expectations are too specific, and too diverse.
Live life for you; for your satisfaction only. I’ve learned that when you shift your mindset in this way, you open yourself up to a world of freedom and possibility. What others think of you is not your business, so do your best to let it go. It just isn’t worth it.
4. You’re not as weird as you think you are
We all have things about ourselves that we believe make us strange and unacceptable, whether it’s the way we think, the way we talk, specific defining experiences we’ve had or personality traits.
I used to feel so isolated as a result of this. My body image and disordered eating habits, my sexuality, my poor mental health … All of these things made me feel freakish. I would hide my problems and insecurities from others, which only caused me to feel more ostracised.
In actuality, it really would have benefited me to reach out and know I’m not alone, because we never are.
The truth is, we are all a little wacky, so we don’t need to harbour so much shame around it.
Thankfully, the world we live in today is a lot more open-minded. Our differences are embraced a whole lot more than they were just 10 years ago. I am therefore not to blame for my hesitations in being truly seen. None of us are. Society hasn’t always deemed it okay … Yet I know now that authenticity leads to personal freedom and vulnerability leads to a greater sense of connection with others. More of us need to let our freak flag fly, because it gives others permission to do the same, and we are all happier when we feel able to be ourselves.
5. It gets easier
As the years go by, you become wiser, and life becomes easier because you better understand how to navigate it.
Who you are and what you know today is going to be different to who you are what you know in a years time. Life is ever changing – and I wish I’d known this when I was younger. I felt so fated and trapped by my present reality, not know how drastically it could change.
If I could go back, I’d tell myself: ‘Relax. Things will work out for you. Over time, you will acquire the resources you need to live a good life, so trust that you will find your way.’
We’re always growing and adjusting, and it’s encouraging to look back and see how far you’ve come …
So I’m keen to hear: what do you know now that you wish you’ve known 10 years ago? Share your lessons in the comments.
Image: 20 year old me, 2012.