The Truth Behind Feeling Stuck (Even When You’re Doing Everything ‘Right’)

Deep in a rut

Early summer, 2016: I was deep in a rut that had plagued me for several months. 

Living in London and fresh out of drama school, I was chasing success in all the ways I thought necessary. I had a strict list of goals for my future that included: landing a significant role in a film or TV series, losing weight (something that had been on my to-do list for 7 years), and finding my soul mate. Every day, I pushed my mind and body through arduous action-taking: contacting casting directors, applying for jobs, working out. 

And yet, I was miserable.

My days were filled with feelings of loneliness, depression, and self-hatred. I felt isolated from my community, and utterly overwhelmed by my inability to make my dreams a reality. 

My twenty-fourth birthday came and went, and I knew something had to change. 

The cure

On a sunny day shortly after, I set myself up in the garden of a local café, coffee and notebook in hand. Staring at the blank page of my notebook, I found myself asking a question: 

What do I actually want? 

Up until that point, my journal was full of lists, goals, and action steps — ultimately very intellectual, black and white thinking. This time, I was asking something that got to the heart of things. 

What do I want?

I decided to answer honestly and instinctively, ignoring any reason or judgement wanting to creep in.

What I wrote surprised me.

I want to travel. 
I want to feel at peace with my body.
And then:
I miss Australia, I want to go home.  

I paused and studied what I had written. This was a list that looked very different to the current goals I was taking action on. But I felt lighter than I had in months; more inspired. 

And at that moment, I knew: I need to change track.

I began saving to travel, bought a one-way ticket to Sydney, and started a new wellness regimen that focused on long-term habit formation over short-term progress. Within eight months, I had solo-travelled through Nepal for five weeks — one of the most incredible experiences of my life to date — regulated my body, eased my feelings of self-hatred, and returned to my beloved homeland to start a new life. 

The lesson

Everything had changed, and I was feeling better for it. 

But why? 

Instinctively, it seems I had stumbled upon the concept of authenticity. 

See, the shift I experienced wasn’t about travel or fitness regimes; not really. It was about discovering that I had been relentlessly moving in a direction that was misaligned with my true desires at that time. Because sometimes, what we think we want, isn’t what we actually want.

It’s not that the goals I had were incorrect; I was still building a career in acting, and I still wanted a relationship. It’s that I was prioritizing fear-based action-taking over the quiet prompts of instinct. Driven by a need to prove myself, I focused on daily productivity for the sense of achievement it gave me, when what my soul really craved at that time was something a little deeper: experiences that expanded me, to heal the relationship I had with myself. And the path to those things looked very different from the path I had been on.

This was the beginning of understanding that it’s not the form of our desires that matters, but the emotional essence behind them. It’s what is at the core that guides us towards fulfillment. Because when we get clear on the essence beneath our desires, the things we crave become more tangible. 

Getting to the essence

A while later, the lesson repeated itself with the eventual manifestation of my ‘soul mate.’

Despite my tendency towards girls as a late-teen, I spent several years in London forcing myself on dates with men. In my mind, I envisioned a kind man with a sense of humour, good looks, and a shared love for fitness. I went on many dates — and while I got close on occasion (I even dated a personal trainer), nothing quite landed. 

In tears while sharing my frustration with friends one day, I found myself painting a very different picture: 
I see myself in a bright apartment with flowers on the windowsill and… a woman by my side. 

“That sounds beautiful,” my friend F said. And I realized he may be right. 

Five years searching for a boyfriend, and it took a month of dating women to find a girlfriend. Because when we’re honest and stop forcing ourselves down paths that aren’t ours, things tend to come to us with ease. 

A rut is the symptom

Over the years, I’ve come to see the pattern: If I feel stuck in life, it’s usually because I’m ignoring some fundamental truth. 

I’ve learned that being in a rut is a symptom, not a destination. It points to something knocking to get our attention — not because we are lazy or don’t have what it takes, but because we aren’t listening. 

When we act from the mind, we tie ourselves in knots. The mind is brilliant at logic and building a life that feels safe and right. But the heart knows what is true — it knows what we need. It speaks of the things that will bring us true happiness and fulfillment, and not just the things we think will fulfill us. 

Ultimately, manifestation doesn’t come from the mind, but from the heart. And the heart doesn’t lie — even if, initially, things seem nonsensical.

Authenticity is everything

Over the years, I discovered that the more I lean into my authentic desires, the greater my sense of peace. Authenticity makes me purposeful rather than forceful, and I’m unafraid of stillness because I no longer feel I have something to prove.  

From the outside, my life may not look like much: it’s simple and unassuming. Previously, I was more performative; forever trying to prove that my life meant something. Busyness, success stories, and striving was how I justified my existence. 

Now, I live for me, acknowledging that it just… feels better. I no longer have the energy for pretence and hustle. I like my morning coffee with a sudoku; my Friday mornings blogging in a cafe. When somebody asks what I’m working towards, my answers are vague — not because I’m lost, but because I prefer to live my life in increments, guided by the way that I feel. 

Things are simpler, but I’m happier because I’m constantly tuning in to who I authentically am. And I trust that what I need — what I really need; not just what I think I need — will show up when the timing is right. 

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What Does It Truly Mean to Be Successful?