Be part of the solution, not a part of the problem
The more we give ourselves permission to be who we truly are, the more we permit others to do the same.
“Be part of the solution, not a part of the problem.”
– Stephen R. Covey
What does it mean to be part of the solution, not a part of the problem?
It means being willing to stand out from the crowd, and to be potentially greeted with adversity or judgement.
It means being courageous as you stand by your values, whilst having faith in the bigger picture (the solution).
It takes strength and a willingness to return (over and over) to that which feels authentically true to you.
But first – here’s why I’ve been reflecting upon this:
From time to time, I have a realisation that I am hard-wired to not belong. I have things about me that stand out, and which I have spent my life trying to repress and reshape. I’m one of those people who never felt like they truly fit in at school. I’m idealistic, opinionated and ambitious. I fall for complexity over simplicity and adventure over security. I’m sexually fluid, occasionally outspoken, I didn’t go to university, I don’t have a 9-5 job, I’m not particularly interested in marriage and my future children may or may not come about as a result of IVF.
I often wish that I were ‘normal’, and that I was able to blend in with the crowd. Life would certainly be easier if I were straight with a boyfriend and a secure job with a dependable income and a mortgage and a small group of close friend and a dog and no reason to stand out.
Wouldn’t it?
The more I think about it, the more I come to think that maybe none of us truly belong …
This gives even more reason to be a part of the solution, for the more we give ourselves permission to be who we truly are, the more we permit others to do the same.
What does it mean to be a part of the problem?
Trying to change who you truly are in order to belong.
For me, this whole concept best presents itself in the way of body image:
Since adolescence, when I first began to develop, I’ve been in denial about my body shape. My body has always been fairly strong, and whilst I’m not by any means overweight, I’ve always felt that my body is too ‘big’. I’d look at pictures in magazines of models with zero curve nor body fat and I’d tell myself that in order to be truly accepted, I must undergo a metamorphosis of sorts. The effort I’ve made to transform my body via diets, exercise and by only wearing particular clothing has plagued me for the majority of the past 12 years. As I said – I’m not overweight, yet I feel that my curves and strength betray me. They make me stand out just that little bit too much. If I were smaller, I wonder, then perhaps I’d blend in.
Body image is undergoing a revolution, and diversity is beginning to be portrayed in the media. Nonetheless, we still have a way to go.
By denying my body, I deny others who have the same type of body as me. By trying to change it, I contribute to the problem.
For me, being a part of the solution is to embrace my body as it is – a body that is perfectly feminine and strong, but that doesn’t fit in in terms of media standards. For I know that it’s a relief to see somebody on screen or in the media who looks like you. It makes you think ‘well if they can do it, so can I’.
What does it mean to be a part of the solution?
There are others out there who need you to be you, for it reassures them that there is no reason to be ashamed of who they truly are.
Essentially, this means: Don’t try to change who you are in order to fit in.
Embrace who you are, for the sake of your own peace of mind, but also for the liberation of all humanity.
Embrace your body and your flaws.
Embrace your mental health and your struggles.
Share your stories and opinions (but don’t be a troll).
Take down the shield and allow yourself to be seen.
We are all tired of pretence, aren’t we? It’s exhausting and prompts separation among us.
To be a part of the solution is to release the need to add filters and photoshop your life. None of us are flawless and nobody is the same. Wouldn’t it be a relief is we could all stop pretending that perfection exists and that life is a one-size-fits-all?
The more we give ourselves permission to be who we truly are, the more we permit others to do the same.