How can I practice self-love?
We’ve seen enough self-help books to know that self-care, or self-love, should be at the top of our list. Yet, what does it actually mean to practice self-love?
Self-care is an easy one to slide off of the agenda, yet it is deeply necessary. The most important relationship we have is with ourselves. Yet, many of us tend to look outside of ourselves in our search for love, intimacy and validation, and this rarely has the ability to satisfy us.
Take a look in the mirror, and your best friend and soulmate is staring right back at you. We usually have a bone to pick with that reflection, and this is what causes us to turn and look the other way.
We’ve seen enough self-help books to know that self-care, or self-love, should be at the top of our list. Yet, what does it actually mean to practice self-love?
I think, simply, you practice self-love whenever you take time to nurture yourself.
Think about a best friend or a partner. What is it that you do to maintain a healthy relationship with that person? You seek to support and care for them, to show them respect and loyalty, or even to have a laugh. You can practice all of these things with yourself as you build that same sense of intimacy, trust, love and care.
Sometimes I imagine that I am relating to myself as a separate being, (and I promise I’m not crazy.) I imagine that I am spending time with myself as if ‘myself’ were my partner, or even a younger version of myself. I find that this can help me to transfer that same tendency to love and to care, for it can often be harder to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness than it can others.
Here are 3 simple practices I’ve been working on adapting in my desire to amplify my relationship with moi:
1. Take the time to be present with yourself
You owe it to yourself to enjoy the life that you’ve created for yourself. Everyone likes to feel seen and heard. It occurred to me recently that we can validate ourselves; we do not have to wait for others to give us time and attention. And so, I’ve simply begun to carve out ‘Sarah time’ where I endeavour to be present, as well as spontaneous. I do anything that I feel like doing with that time, whether it’s going for a walk, going out for a coffee, meditating, writing, reading, listening to music or going to the park. Whatever it is, it’s time for just me and me.
2. Speak words of kindness
Have you ever considered this? Some of the things that we say to ourselves, we would never say to anybody else. We so easily call ourselves ‘a stupid idiot’ or ‘fat’ or a ‘lazy bastard.’ Yet, imagine if we just went around saying these things so haphazardly to others? We would either have no friends, find ourselves regularly covered in bruises, or both.
The reason that we don’t say these things to others is obvious: It’s extremely hurtful and damaging. Therefore, why do we let ourselves get away with this kind of negative self-talk?
Be mindful of the way you speak to yourself.
The way I’ve started this practice is by paying myself compliments throughout the day, telling myself I’m doing a good job, etc. I also make regular use of affirmations. If you keep a journal, (or more specifically, a gratitude journal) I will occasionally spend time appreciating myself, such as my favourite qualities, things that I have done that day that I am proud of or glad for. It is common to look outwards when practicing appreciation, focusing on the people in our lives and our physical environment. What can be a much more powerful exercise, is practicing appreciation for yourself.
‘Appreciation of yourself is the closest vibrational match to Source energy’
– Abraham Hicks
3. Treat yo-self
I’ve heard it said before that you can ‘gift’ yourself on a daily basis. This could mean a physical gift (though this might empty your savings quickly!) or it could mean putting those extra flourishes on your breakfast to make it feel special.
We’re aiming for those warm-fuzzy feelings here.
You cannot give from an empty cup, and this means that it is okay to be selfish. Once your cup is over-flowing, you will naturally want to give to others.
Take the time to nurture yourself, for at the end of the day, (meaning the end of your life) you are the only one that you really have to answer to. It’s between you, and you.