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SARAH MOON

Tag: happiness

Acknowledging what’s going right

On celebrating how far you’ve come.

 

On the whole, we as people are pretty hopeless at looking for the positive. We are good at seeing what’s wrong, but not so good at acknowledging what’s going right.

Naturally, we are designed to always be wanting more; to be seeking improvement and expansion. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s how we’re hard-wired. Nonetheless, I believe there is balance to be found, and that is: appreciating where we’re at whilst we long for more.

I was reminded of this yesterday when, during a seminar, I was prompted with a question:

‘How would you grade yourself based on where you’re currently at?’

Initially, I gave myself a 5-7, figuring: I’m okay with where I’m at, but I’m also hankering after a few big changes. I shared this with my partner, who had the wisdom to say something along the lines of, “you know, I was going to give myself a low ranking, but then realised that I would have given myself a similar ranking this time last year. It’s not that I’m not getting anywhere though, it’s that the goalposts have moved.”

It made me realise that I’m probably selling myself short, because a lot has changed for me too… Yet, isn’t it easier to focus on our dissatisfactions than on any positive changes that might have taken place?

We’re always going to want more, that’s not going to change– but it’s also important to stop and take stock of where we’ve come from. It’s important to acknowledge what’s going right.

“Remember when you wanted what you currently have?”
–Unknown

When I think of where I was a year ago, or even 6 months ago, a lot has changed; I’ve even acquired some of the things I was wanting. It made me realise:

Where does the dissatisfaction end?

and;

Where does the appreciation, the pride, the contentedness and the sense of “I’ve made it” begin?

The way we’re hardwired, the appreciation and contentedness doesn’t begin– unless we consciously make space for it.

And so, I decided to make space for it, and I changed my grade to an 8.

Here’s the truth:

We’re always going to want more, but we’re never going to arrive at a final destination. It’s a continual journey, where we grow and adapt and shape-shift. Becoming or acquiring what we want is not the solution to our unhappiness. Rather, it’s choosing to see the good in the life we are presently living. There is always good to be found, and always growth and positive changes to be acknowledged.

Therefore, here’s an invitation for you:

Over the course of the day today, think back to where you were a year ago and ask yourself:

Where have I come from? What positive changes have taken place? What have I acquired, or who have I become, that is more than who I was then? What’s going right?

Then, celebrate it. Celebrate who you’ve become, with love for who you are becoming.

“The more your praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”
– Oprah Winfrey

Increasing happiness through presence

There is so much opportunity for joy throughout the day, but we diminish our ability to experience pleasure by denying the present moment.

 

I recently went on a short holiday to the country, just a couple of hours out of Sydney. Whenever I take a break, I find it usually takes a few days to adjust to the slower pace of things. This time more than usual, however, I was aware of the intolerance I have developed for presence.

An intolerance for presence

See, the pace of life has quickened a great deal. We are generally unaware of it because it has occurred gradually, and we are basically amidst it 24/7. Nonetheless, as a society, we have become busier and more stimulated than ever before, and this has had an effect on our attention span, our cortisol levels, our health, our relationships, our state of awareness, and our happiness.

When we are forced to slow down, it feels increasingly difficult. We find ourselves feeling frustrated and uncomfortable, restless and anxious.

Whilst on holiday, my partner and I stayed in a quiet little villa overlooking a small vineyard and a couple of ponds. The solitude was immense, and the opportunity for relaxation overwhelming. I would like to have enjoyed it more than I did– for in all reality, it was a little confronting. I found it difficult to simply sit and look at a beautiful view without picking up my phone or a book at the very least. The need to do and to distract from the present moment was at times overpowering, and it saddened me to think that I’d lost some of my ability to just be in the present moment.

Consumption addiction

I discovered a term the other day for the exact intolerance I have been experiencing, and it’s called ‘consumption addiction.’ It was described as “the addiction no one talks about” (@the.minimalistmethod), but yet it’s a silent killer, running rampant through society, sucking our souls and leaving us sick, drained and depressed. In essence, consumption addiction describes the need we have for continual stimulation; mindless activity that gives us temporary ‘pleasure’ (scrolling, eating, texting, watching Netflix, drinking, scrolling again, etc.)
Sound familiar?

Essentially, I look at it as an intolerance for presence, for if we aren’t perpetually engaged (stimulated, distracted) then what do we get? Being-ness. And when we just ‘Be’, we are confronted with our thoughts and feelings, and the very essence of who we are.

happiness and Presence

The issue I have with my intolerance for presence– and the reason I’m talking about it– is the affect it’s having on my ability to experience joy. I don’t experience as much joy as I should considering the opportunity for joy around me, and this bothers me. I’d like to feel happier, and truly relish in whatever beauty and abundance I can in my life. I want to enjoy life. Don’t you?

Happiness is a very misunderstood concept. We all want it, but we have a tendency to look for it in the wrong places. We look for it externally, via other people, the acquirement of material possessions or certain opportunities; and we place it in the future. We chase it. It is a faraway concept, one that we will reach eventually (once we overcome certain obstacles) or, never at all.

I’ve come to realise that happiness is, in fact, intimately tied in with our quality of presence.

Happiness is not something to be acquired or earned, but something to be re-discovered from within.
If you believe that happiness is your birthright, then consider that you have the ability to experience happiness regardless of the trajectory of your life.

It begins with presence.

How do we find presence?

We all have the ability to be present, for Being is our true nature. Therefore, it’s about gradually re-introducing the concept of Being, and building it as you would any habit: through consistent effort.

1. Make time daily to be present

Begin to introduce presence by being intentionally slow and mindful for at least part of your day. Sit on a park bench for 5 minutes, sit and have a cup of tea, go for a walk… and do just that thing.

2. Stop multi-tasking

We pride ourselves on multi-tasking, but really, it’s sensory overload and is the quickest way to raise your cortisol levels. Presence is about quality over quantity. It’s about relishing a moment rather than rushing to get to the next moment. Practice doing one thing at a time. When you go for a walk– go without your phone and actually take in your surroundings. When you eat dinner– turn the TV off and actually taste your food. There is so much opportunity for joy throughout the day, but we diminish our ability to experience pleasure by denying the present moment.

Presence is a practice, and one that’s well worth devoting yourself to. After all, what’s the point of life if we are so distracted that we’re hardly able to savour the life we’re living?

Happiness begins with the present moment.

“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.”

–Eckhart Tolle