success Archives - Moonlight

The truth about resilience

Resilience is not something you’re born with – it’s what eventuates when you make a decision to persevere.

Resilience is not something you’re born with, it’s what eventuates when you make a decision to persevere.

There are ideas out there about resilience and the way it ties in with willpower that I believe are limiting and misconstrued. These ideas make resilience out to be a somewhat intangible quality, something that you either have or don’t have– which extends to the claim that willpower is genetic. The truth about resilience is that we each innately bare it and have the potential to develop it, and whilst there may be things that prevent us from embracing this quality, it’s much more tangible than I think some believe…

Why resilience?

Resilience is a revered quality due to it’s connection with success. When we believe we don’t possess resilience, or claim that our willpower is poor, we will also believe that this makes us unable to succeed in life. This is why I think it’s worth discussing.

Resilience is perseverance

This post is influenced by conversations had with my partner surrounding willpower. We were discussing exercise. I’ve been a regular runner since I was about 15 years old, and my partner Alex is beginning a new fitness journey that she finds challenging. Whilst listening to Alex talk about her doubts relevant to whether she can stick it out, I had a small epiphany.

“I don’t find running easy,” I said. “I find it difficult every time I run. I wasn’t born able to run 5K with ease, I just persevere. Perseverance is the only difference between you and me.”

My realisation was that Alex possessed some kind of idea around fitness that you either have it or you don’t. I think many (self-proclaimed) “non-athletic” people possess this idea, and this is why fitness is such a great example of resilience. I tend to think that if you’re going to set a goal, fitness is a great one to begin with because it is tangible. Everyone can reach a fitness goal, irrelevant of disability or physical condition, because the body is so adaptable. The only thing stopping you is your mind. (I’ll get onto that in a sec.) The truth here is this: athletic people aren’t necessarily ‘born with it’, they develop their ability through consistent effort; through perseverance, which is literally just a desire to keep going.

Resilience is NOT something you’re “just born with”

Societally, I think we like to believe that we are genetically fated because it gives us an out. As proven via scientists such as cell biologist Dr Bruce Lipton, however, we are not as genetically determined as some might have you believe. Genetic outcomes (the activation of certain genes) are determined by our subconscious environment and the beliefs we hold. (You can find out more about Dr Bruce Lipton and his work here: https://www.brucelipton.com/books/biology-of-belief/ ) There’s much I could speak about on the subject, but for the sake of this article, it all boils down to this: we each have the potential to develop resilience. It is a learned quality drawn from our innate ability as humans to adapt.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche

Resilience is gained organically through every experience that we choose to move beyond. You’re stronger than you think. You have greater willpower than you might believe. What, then, gets in the way?

The only thing stopping you from being resilient is your mind

Belief is the only thing stopping you from realising your resilience. Those who claim they have poor willpower usually hold beliefs about themselves such as I’m weak, I don’t have what it takes, I’m pathetic, etc, which in essence means that they don’t believe themselves worthy enough to succeed.

Going back to the example of my partner Alex, the difference between us is in the beliefs we hold about our physical resilience. I have been running a long time, and have developed faith in my physical capacities, which enables me to persevere under physical strain. Alex, on the other hand, has developed a belief that her body is fragile and susceptible to ‘breaking down’ under pressure, causing her to shy away from perseverance with exercise.

The only other thing stopping you is whether or not you truly give a f#$*

It’s hard to have the will to do something that you don’t actually care about. This is where you need to get honest with yourself in deciphering what your values are, and what you truly want.

Let’s say you love eating biscuits, and your partner says “you really need to stop eating biscuits because they aren’t good for you.” You agree so as to please them, but you’re not really on board with the idea, because you love biscuits and don’t see the problem with eating them. It’s going to be really difficult to resist biscuits, because it’s not what you want!

Or, to return to the exercise example: Perhaps you start running because you see other people doing it and you’ve heard it’s the best way to get fit, but you get really bored and find it difficult to persevere. Maybe the problem isn’t you, but running. You might find yoga is more your jam, or swimming, or team sports. If you love something, perseverance will come easily.

When we are unable to differentiate what we truly care about and what we feel we should be doing, we tend to get stuck in patterns of procrastination and frustration, where we berate ourselves for having “no willpower.” Perhaps the problem isn’t that you have no willpower; perhaps the problem is that you don’t really give a f#$* about that thing. (If you do think you give a f#$* but are still struggling to persevere, return to the point above about belief.)

In summary, willpower is not something you’re just born with; something some possess and others don’t. The truth about resilience is that we each innately bare it, and it’s developed via perseverance. Perseverance is a choice, which is made easy when we have positive belief in our abilities, and are pursuing activities or vocations that we give a f#$* about.

Work smarter, not harder

We are societally programmed to believe that hard work leads to success. Yet what if there is another way? An easier, more comfortable way?

When it comes to achieving what you want to achieve, working harder is not the answer.

Do you feel that it is?

You’re not alone.

We are societally programmed to believe that hard work leads to success. Yet, what if there is another way? An easier, more comfortable way?

The alternative is not to work harder, but to work smarter, where working smarter means being authentically, energetically aligned* with whatever it is you’re wanting.

This does not come from hard work, but from the ability to listen to our intuition, which speaks of what we need and what we are truly ready for at any point in time.

* By energetic alignment, I mean: the peace and ease we feel when our thoughts, feelings and intentions compliment and work in conjunction with one another. When we are aligned, we are closest to our true nature. When we experience positive emotion, this is evidence of alignment. When we feel negative emotion, we are misaligned and in an energetic state of resistance, working against our true nature.

Hard work often comes from feelings of fear and thoughts about our own inadequacy.

We fear we aren’t enough; we fear we are never going to get there, and so we push; slogging ourselves in an effort to overcome our anxieties. Running from something, nonetheless, will never make it go away. Be as productive as you like, but if you’re acting from a place of insecurity, the work will be energetically misaligned and breed further anxiety and dissatisfaction.

For your work to be smart work, the action needs to be inspired.

This comes from truly knowing your intentions. Listen to your emotions, they are your guide. Why do you want what you want? Are you taking action through fear, or through genuine inspiration? Are you denying any natural instincts in the process?

It’s not about doing hard work, it’s about doing the right kind of work. (Quality over quantity.)

Hard work is pointless if you’re out of alignment. If you’re feeling uncertain, fearful, overwhelmed, desperate or bad in any way, it would be a more productive use of your time to meditate, or to have a cup of tea, watch a movie, have a nap, play a game or visit a friend. (Anything that eases resistance and lifts your mood.) Believe it or not, this will get you closer to what you want than hard work. Why? Because life is energy, where like attracts like, and happiness attracts success more than effort.

The bottom line?

Work less, and spend more time doing the things that light you up.

You may just find that as you let go, you’ll come into alignment with everything you ever wanted.

If you’re a high achiever, you will likely feel lazy and anxious about taking your foot off the peddle. It might feel like you’re giving up.

Trust the process.

After years of hustling, I began to practice this for myself last year. Firsthand, I can attest that surrender opens doors. As I took my foot off the peddle, miraculously, opportunities came flooding in. Why? Because, rather than hustle for the things that I believed would make me more complete, I decided to be happy first– and happiness begets happiness!

“If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now.”

–Unknown

Be easy about your life, and follow your joy. Joy is the answer.

When was the last time you took a sabbatical?

Most of us tear through life without really pausing to question whether we are living in a way that is aligned with our values. This is why it’s important to slow down every now and then.

When was the last time you took a sabbatical?

We live in a society that values busyness and hard work, where too much rest can be deemed lazy or indulgent. We also live in a society that is over-worked, where disease and stress have been increasing– despite advances in contemporary medicine set to decrease these statistics. Why? Because we work too hard, and don’t take enough time to rest and care for our individual needs.

This year, I’ve been working on incorporating more down time into my schedule.

My decision to do this came as a result of my realising that hard work and over-productivity was making me deeply unhappy. I began experiencing regular burnout, prolonged feelings of stress and overwhelm and semi-regular migraines, prompting me to sit down and ask myself a couple of honest questions:

Am I actually happy?

Am I working toward something worthwhile, something I want?

Or, am I simply working for the sake of working?

Most of us tear through life without really pausing to question whether we are living in a way that is aligned with our values. This is why it’s important to slow down every now and then, to get still and reflect upon the life you are living. A car going 100km/ph cannot change tack at that speed. It needs to ease momentum in order to turn or change direction. Only when we pause can we truly re calibrate and redirect our compass if desired.

Enter the sabbatical.

Sabbatical’s are extended periods of rest– typically from work, but, as I see it, from life in general (from all expectations and obligations.) You could get away for a couple of weeks, or you could stay at home. Then, allow yourself to let go of everything and truly rest and recover from the hustle and bustle of your daily routine.

I typically take a sabbatical around the New Year, to recover from and reflect upon the year that’s been. I like to give myself 2 weeks+ if possible, for I find that it usually takes at least the first week to be able to really relax into a state of rest. Once I’m truly rested, I find that something magical tends to happen… My inspiration comes back! A newfound sense of clarity is reborn, and I have a clearer idea of where I’m at and what I’d like to work on moving forward. I take the time to refine my ideas and set some goals. By the time my sabbatical is coming to an end, I am usually chomping at the bit to get going, reinvigorated and excited about my life. This is how life should feel– and this is the beauty of deep rest.

I find sabbaticals so enriching that I am beginning to work them in more than once a year, just for a couple of days. This isn’t a period of deep rest so much as a purposeful chance to pause, reflect and re calibrate where necessary; to check in with myself and ensure I’m on the track I want to be on.

When you’re used to leading a busy life, it can seem impossible to take a sabbatical. You may be concerned about your work commitments, or the fact that it’s impossible to get away from your family, particularly if there are kids involved. If you feel such obligations, you’re likely in even greater need of a sabbatical! Just do what you can, and remember: your needs are just as important as anybody else’s.

“We would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant, and truly see the things that matter most.”

– Dieter F. Uchtdorf

When was the last time you took a sabbatical?

Manifestation and the Law of Attraction

Breaking down the Law of Attraction and the specifics of Manifestation.

The Law of Attraction is a somewhat convoluted subject, and one that is easily misinterpreted or plain misunderstood. Due to the mis-information out there, many become disillusioned, for they come to see that simple methods aren’t working for them and conclude that either

a) the Law of Attraction is bunk, or

b) I don’t have what it takes.

In actual fact, there is just a lack of understanding.

This is a subject I am intrigued by, and have researched and applied (through trial and error) for many years now. Here, I share my insights into the manifestation process and the practical application of the Law of Attraction in an effort to make it more clearly understood.

1. Understanding the Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction says: like attracts like.

“The essence of that which is like unto itself, is drawn”

–Esther Hicks

The basis of our physical universe is energy, where everything resonates at a particular vibrational frequency. It is the energy– or more specifically, the vibrational frequency of our thoughts and feelings– that create our reality.

(E)motions= energy in motion.

It is said that ‘thoughts create things.’ To take it one step further, it is the emotions evoked by your thoughts that are the primal factor when it comes to the Law of Attraction. The universe responds to vibration, not to your thoughts specifically. Think of yourself like a magnet, where you draw unto yourself that which is most alike the energy you hold in your body, and emit via your surrounding energy field.

The Law of Attraction is an unconscious process until you learn to harness it’s power by taking responsibility for your thoughts and emotions and purposefully directing your energy.

2. The practical application of the Law of Attraction

In essence, manifestation is a matter of:

1. Recognising your desire
2. Aligning with your desire
3. Receiving

For more on recognising what you truly want, you can read about it here. This post focuses on steps 2 and 3.

-Alignment

Like attracts like, therefore, you need to find a way to align vibrationally with the thing that you want.

Wealth is a popular desire; people are wanting more money all the time. Asking for it is the easy part. Aligning with the vibrational reality of having more money is the difficult part. Why? Because people tend to remain focused on that which is right in front of them, which is often the lack of the thing that they want. They ask for money, but continue to think thoughts such as ‘I don’t have enough money… I’ll never be able to pay for that… I can’t afford it.’ These thoughts keep them in a vibrational place of lack. You can’t attract wealth when you feel lack. The vibrational frequencies of the two are too different.

You have to shift your attention from your current reality to your desired reality. To do this, you have to go against the ‘reality-checkers’ of the world and live a little with your head in the clouds. Your current reality is simply a result of your energetic standpoint thus far– but at any point, you can influence a change in direction to create a different future.

You need to change your thinking to match your desire. In the example of attracting more wealth, you have to begin thinking thoughts that evoke feelings of wealth. E.g. ‘money comes easily and frequently to me. I always have enough money to pay for the things I want/ need. Money is on the way.’

-Emotions are key

Your emotions are your internal guidance system. They indicate your dominant vibrational perspectives. The below image is a great visual indicator of the vibrational frequencies emitted by our emotions.

–Image via https://freedomwithin.org/

Love, abundance, joy and peace are all of a high vibrational frequency. The higher your vibration (the better you feel emotionally) the more easily you’re able to attract the things that you desire, for the things we desire are often of a high vibrational nature.

A good rule of thumb is to prioritise feeling really good. If you do little else but continually practice shifting your emotions to that of joy and peace, you will inevitably find personal happiness, for you will naturally align with more things that bring you joy and peace. Joy begets joy, et al.

-Your thoughts influence your emotions

To shift your emotional state, pay attention to your thoughts. Our thoughts influence the way we feel. Identify the thought, and see if you can find a better-feeling thought. The idea is to guide your way to a better-feeling place.

Thoughts are just thoughts. As such, a thought does not have to define you unless you allow it. The more you think a thought, the stronger it’s vibrational frequency. Bear in mind that some thoughts will require more time and patience as you work to shift them. This doesn’t mean they will never shift, nor does it give any evidence to the thought being true. A well-thought thought is like a knot that needs to be pulled at gradually until it falls apart altogether.

3. Tools for aligning with your desire:

1. Visualisation

The mind doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined stimuli. Therefore, visualising for as little as 5 minutes can really help you to align with your desire. Remember– emotions are key, so focus on evoking the desired emotional response when it comes visualisation. Think about the way you wish to feel. It can also help to cross-reference with ways you feel that way already, i.e. looking for evidence of your desire in your current reality.

2. Affirming statements

Affirmations that reinforce the feeling of having the thing that you desire. You’ve got to feel as though you already have it. I’m careful using the word ‘affirmation’ for I feel affirmations are often misunderstood. They only work if, on some level, you already believe them. For example, there’s no point telling yourself ‘I’m rich’ if it’s too far a stretch from your current reality. You want to find a thought that resonates as true to a certain degree already, such as ‘my financial situation is improving.’ Once this idea solidifies, you can find the next best affirming thought from there, such as ‘I have plenty of money to live comfortably’, gradually working your way up the emotional scale and improving your vibrational frequency in relation to that subject over time.

-A word on resistance

“Resistance is about believing that you are vulnerable… and holding a stance of protection.”

–Abraham Hicks

Sometimes, you will encounter resistance, which presents itself as ‘not allowing’ the thing you desire, or feeling negative emotion when you think about what you want (discomfort, frustration, etc.) In my experience, this usually indicates subconscious blocks, such as opposing self-beliefs contradicting your desire.

Just as pushing against a wall won’t make it move, pushing against resistance won’t work either. The only way to work with resistance is to adopt an attitude of patience and re-direct your attention so as to ease the momentum of any negative emotions you may be feeling.

The other thing I’ve learned is that sometimes, you’re simply not ready to manifest the thing that you want. You’re not ready to change. That’s okay, for there’s really no rush. Therefore, if you encounter resistance, let it all go for a while and endeavour to return to your desire later. In the meantime, focus on re-balancing your emotions and finding ways to enhance your sense of peace and joy.

-Letting go

Manifestation is a fine balance of specific focus and surrender.

The final step is to get out of your own way and let it all go. Hand it over the universe, and say to yourself “ if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

There’s much to learn about this subject (I’m still learning) yet it’s a process that gets easier the more you practice and see for yourself what works and what doesn’t.

If you’re like me, you’ll eventually come to realise that the specifics of what you desire come second to your general feelings of wellbeing, peace and fulfillment– and these can be found by simply learning to harness your emotions. Also, if you just get out of your own way, the universe tends to deliver things to you that you could never have possibly imagined! Feel good, and the rest will follow.

How to stop comparing yourself to others

Comparison to others is natural and serves a purpose, but it can also get the better of us. How do we better deal with comparison when it takes over?

I find comparison to others be a constant battle. (The prompt for this post was a need to nut out my own anxieties around the subject.)

Wouldn’t the road of life be easier if there was no competition?

I quite like the idea of being alone in the world, with no one beside me to size myself up against. Without the pressure of another’s existence, I can imagine that I would be quite content to do, be and have whatever I please, for there would be no measure but my own internal guidance system. There would be no time pressures and no fear of failure, because the time I took and the mistakes I made would be relevant only to myself.

When we compare ourselves to others, we are assessing the similarities or dissimilarities between us and them. Comparison is a natural thing to do, for we humans are all about belonging, and comparison contributes to our need to assess where we fit in with the rest of the tribe (society.) My theory then, is that comparison is directly linked with a fear of not belonging.

What if we could have both? What if we could be sure of our place in this world (belonging) whilst also maintaining the impression of living only for ourselves?

Comparison serves a purpose, which I believe you can harness to work for you rather than against you. To clarify, therefore, this post isn’t necessarily about stopping comparison for good, but rather, about adjusting your relationship to comparison so that it causes less harm.

Everything in life is a matter of perspective. In pursuit of greater empowerment, freedom, joy and authenticity for myself and my readers, I desire to crack open the topic of comparison. Here are my 5 tips to stop comparing yourself to others:

1. Positive emotion is your compass

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

–Theodore Roosevelt

Basically, it makes you feel crap when you compare yourself to others, and this is because it takes you out of alignment with yourself.

Imagine that you are encompassed by a vortex of energy. Another mental image for this could be a tornado. Encompassed by this rapidly rotating whirlwind of energy is all that you are; your unique standpoint. Your individual dreams, desires and needs; your tendency to love and be joyful; your ecstasy and abundance. Abraham Hicks calls this your “vortex of creation.” I liken it to your individual ‘God’ energy, or Higher Self. This is who you truly are.

Our emotions serve as a guide, where the better we feel, the more aligned we are with our Higher Power. Positive emotion, therefore, is your compass.

When you step outside of your unique vortex of creation, you often feel bad.

When I compare myself to others, I feel worthlessness, despair and doubt. These emotions are at the lower end of the emotional scale, indicating that I am not vibrating at the frequency of my all-loving authentic self, where all is always well.

When you turn to another for guidance in the form of comparison, the suffering you feel is real. I think of it as your Higher Self looking down on you, like, “excuse me! Over here. Y’all are looking in the wrong direction!”

2. Those that you envy are your expanders

When you envy somebody, it is because you recognise that they have something that you desire. If you didn’t desire it, you wouldn’t feel envy. This is because the opposite of genuine desire (love) is indifference. The fact that you have desire regarding something is evidence that that thing already exists in your vortex* of creation.

*To clarify, the vortex of creation is the “place” where everything that you desire to bring forth into your reality is realised in it’s vibrational form.

Here’s where you can shift your perspective. Rather than envy somebody for the thing that they have that you want, recognise this as evidence that your desire already exists as a vibrational reality. This is all a matter of mindset.

When we feel envious, we are experiencing resistance to our desire. We feel envy because negative self-beliefs have been triggered. We therefore feel negative emotion rather than positive emotion when we think about the thing that we desire. If the negative self-beliefs weren’t there, then our desires would be accompanied by emotions of excitement and positive expectation.

There is a lesson, therefore, in those that you envy, and this is why I call them your expanders.

The bottom line?

Think of comparison as a potential for growth rather than evidence of your failure.

3. In comparing yourself to others, you deny yourself

It sounds cliche, but it is totally relevant and totally true:

“ Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

– Oscar Wilde

You came forth as a unique individual with specific wants and needs, ready to have a good time in this life.

Comparison (when it leads to suffering and that whole thread of self doubt) is basically a means of self rejection. You are denying your individual journey by telling yourself that you should be somebody that you are not. What if you are exactly who and where you intended to be?

4. Believe in your own journey

You are you for a reason, and your journey is as necessary and as sacred as the next persons.

Don’t fall too much for the materialistic measures of success that society and the media feed us, for they are not as they appear.

(I wrote a post on success that goes into detail on this. You can check it out here: What Does It Truly Mean To Be Successful?)

I believe that a person’s life purpose is more subtle than we tend to think it is. I like to consider this with Meryl Streep. On the outside, many might perceive her as superior due to the material success and fame that she has acquired. She is deemed “the best actress in the world”, but this doesn’t necessarily define her, nor her life’s purpose. Her purpose in this life might be “to learn more about compassion by considering other people’s perspectives.” Here, acting just so happens to be the right journey to assist in the learning of this life purpose.

I guess what I’m saying is: you never know what is going on behind the scenes. An individual’s journey is structured in a way that best allows them to grow in the way that their soul uniquely desires. The purpose of life is expansion, and only the soul knows what it needs to expand.

An individual’s journey is a predominantly subconscious process, and the timing of actualisation will always be right.

Believe, therefore, in right timing. Billie Eilish may have won a Grammy at 18, but this doesn’t reflect her ability to align with “success” over yours. It simply means that this was the experience Billie needed to be able to expand in the way her soul uniquely required at this point in time.

5. When it gets too much, look away

I’ve said this before, and I’m going to say it again: put your blinders on. Horse blinders are firm leather squares that attach to a horse’s bridle and prevent the horse from seeing behind and beside him. The idea is to stop the horse from getting distracted or ‘spooked’. There’s no shame in just shutting it all out if it becomes too overwhelming.

One way I actively put my blinders on is with social media. I am very particular about who I follow. I go by my intuition, as well as my emotions. If it (the content) makes me feel good, then I’ll keep it in my circle. If it makes me feel bad, I’ll remove it from my field of vision. That way, I can guarantee that my social media feed won’t provoke me in a way that encourages negative thoughts and self doubt.

Saying that, be mindful of your expanders. It’s good to be challenged every now and then, and it may serve you to think about why you’re being triggered by certain people or content. Only you can know.

What’s your experience with comparison to others? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to leave a comment below.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and respect your individual journey.

What to do when you feel restricted by the pressure of time

The idea that we are restricted by time is an illusion. Here’s why I’ve decided to give up the hustle.

I am so glad to have come to a place recently where I very much feel that time does not restrict me.

Not so long ago, I was always hustling; just as a lot of people are always hustling. We hustle because of our perception of time, because we fear that there isn’t enough of it. Now that I’ve come to shift my perspective of time, I kinda struggle to justify what the rush was all about in the first instance?

I had a tendency to set myself a lot of deadlines, and many of them were unrealistic:

A couple of years ago, I wanted to tone up and lose a little bit of weight. 6 weeks was the deadline I set myself, with a target of 1kg per week. Realistic? Yes… but only by seriously decreasing my daily calorie intake whilst smashing out intense workouts 5 days a week. Who needs that kind of pressure?

I had an idea for a short film. I set myself the goal of writing and producing it within 6 months. Do-able? Yes, technically. But again, who needs that kind of pressure?!

I decided (pre-Covid, might I add) that I wanted to travel internationally, which was to include a road trip through North America, as well as a detour via Europe to catch up with old friends. This is totally possible– but extremely stressful with the timeline of 8 months that I was giving myself to save funds!

I’ve always been a high achiever, but why my ambition was served to me with a side of ‘hurry up’, I have no idea.

Well… I do have an idea.

Based on my experience, here’s what I think the race against time is all about:

1. A fear of dying before we get it all done

I don’t want to die having never achieved everything that I wanted to achieve.
I don’t want to die, despairing that I never became the version of myself that I wanted to become.
I don’t want to die with regret.

I think that it is totally natural and common for people to have this fear. Death is a concept that we tend to want to avoid as a society, as we can never be certain as to what death actually means. Does death really mean that we are no more? Is it permanent? Can we guarantee that there is an afterlife of some kind?

As per the examples from my past that I provided above:

I didn’t want to die before getting the chance to travel.

I didn’t want to die not being the ‘best’ version of myself, physically.

I was afraid of what it would mean if I didn’t produce that project before I would potentially never again have the chance.

The important thing here is this: it isn’t really about the things themselves (the travelling and the short film.) It’s about what those things represent.

2. A fear of what it will mean if we don’t get it all done

In other words: a fear that we will be unable to prove ourselves.

This refers specifically to the underlying beliefs and shameful thoughts that we have about ourselves. It is these negative beliefs and shameful thoughts that drive us as we strive to overcome them. It is the thought or belief, therefore, that scares us. What if the thought/ belief is true? We think that if we are unable to prove it wrong or override it in some way, it’ll define us and become the truth of our existence.

An old belief of mine (that I still like to entertain from time to time) is that I don’t matter. I push to get things done, such as a creative project, for the purpose of running from this thought. I hope that the final product (the completed short film, in this case) will render me important and worthy.

A fearful thought, to our minds, is like running from a predator. Time is of the essence, as we want to outrun the lion before it catches us first.

3. We fear it because the others’ fear it

Here, I believe that we simply work off of the others. We see that everyone else is hustling and rushing, and we think: maybe there is something that I’m missing? Nobody wants to get left behind.

The Tony Robbin’s* of the world tell us that we have to do it, and we have to do it NOW. My heart starts beating harder just hearing that concept. It’s stressful!

People that hustle and rush are just as vulnerable to negative self beliefs as the rest of us. Consider, therefore, that just because they encourage fast action, doesn’t mean that they are correct? Perhaps they are also afraid?

*I’m not dissing Tony Robbins specifically. I am referring to the vast pool of doers out there who emphasise action and encourage hustle. For me (and for many others I know) this sort of attitude can cause a lot of unnecessary anxiety. Hustling isn’t the only way to get things done.

Now that I’ve nutted out the problem, here’s what I think about the solution:

1. Put your blinders on

I first heard this phrase via life coach Connie Chapman in her podcast ‘Awaken Radio’ and I think it’s a brilliant metaphor for sticking to your own path. Horse blinders are firm leather squares that attach to a horse’s bridle and prevent the horse from seeing behind and beside him. The idea is to block out the others and focus on your own journey, free of comparison.

Everybody has their own, unique journey. End of story. Do yourself the favour of resisting the urge to compare, as well as resisting the urge to compete. There is no competition (unless you are in the Olympics) therefore there is no need to race.

Nobody knows your unique needs and desires more than you. Follow your instincts and do things in your own time.

2. Develop faith in your eternity

I could be stepping on a few toes, depending on what you believe, but I believe that we are all eternal beings.

Eternity is timeless, meaning there is plenty of ‘time’ to get it all done. Life, from this perspective, is an endless and steady stream of continually coming into alignment with a new and expanded version of yourself.

“If I’m standing in my physical body and am consciously connected to that eternal spirit, then I’m eternal in nature and I need not ever again fear any endedness, because, from that perspective I understand that there is not any of that.”
– Abraham Hicks

3. Figure out why you’re doing what you’re doing

If you feel pressured by time when it comes to your goals and desires, I’d be confident in saying for certain that it is because some sort of negative belief is plaguing you.

One of the best things that you can do for yourself is release erroneous and restricting beliefs. Life flows a whole lot better when you do, because you aren’t running! You are content with who you and where you are at right NOW. You know that you do not need the weight loss, new job, perfect partner, etc to complete you. Therefore, there is no rush.

It is predominantly this last point that has allowed me to shift my relationship with time. The less I fall for the thought that I am not enough, the more relaxed I feel in relation to my desires.

Be in it for the long haul, and prioritise joy and fulfilment by engaging fully with the present moment.

What does it truly mean to be successful?

Where do we get our ideas about success from, and how can they be redefined?

Success. It’s a bit of a bitch of a word, if you ask me. I feel that the words ‘success’ and ‘failure’ are used too flippantly, and we often assign ourselves to one or the other for the wrong reasons.

Success is something that I have been re-defining for myself for some time now. This became a necessity, for I am an actor, and success comes with a lot of stressful connotations in the acting industry.

I’d brace myself upon meeting new people or relatives and old friends, awaiting the moment they would say: “oh, you’re an actor. Have I seen you in anything?” To me, the subtext of that statement is, “are you famous yet?” I would stumble my way through an answer. “No, you wouldn’t have seen me in anything. I’ve done a TV mini-series, but that was aired some years ago. I’ve done a lot of plays and a couple of short films…” I’d then look for a way to divert the conversation as swiftly as possible, whilst summing up the answer in my head: “Yes, I’ve done plenty of work, but nothing that you would probably find very impressive.”

I was ashamed, for I anticipated others judgement. I assumed that other’s were deeming me a failure because I wasn’t Margot Robbie yet.

It kills you slowly to believe that you are a failure, and the pain of it only makes you strive harder to cover up the fear and shame. It is an endless feedback loop of self-punishment and suffering.

As with most things, the pain had to become unbearable before I truly stopped to reassess.

“How is it that I am defining success?” I finally asked myself. “If I think that I am failing myself, then where do I think I should be in order for me to be succeeding?”

Head. Scratcher.

It took me some time to contemplate the meaning of success, but I finally got some clarity.

I know I’m not the only one who struggles with the concepts of failure and success. After all, I picked up my ideas of success from my environment– namely, other people, the media and society on the whole. Society presents a whole lot of damaging ideas to us absorbent beings, and the concept of success is a big one. We need to step back and re-define, and straighten the whole thing out.

1. Where was I going wrong?

First and foremost, I was looking to other people to decide whether or not I was succeeding in life.

I don’t know what other people are thinking about me. We can all only assume that we know, and so most of our assumptions are based on the thoughts that we are already thinking about ourselves. I assumed that others were thinking I was failing, but in actuality, I believed I was failing. I was endowing others with my own beliefs surrounding my success as an individual, and the reason I believed I was failing was because I hadn’t yet accomplished what I had set out to achieve.

Def. 1: Success = The accomplishment of an aim or purpose or Achieving what you set out to achieve.

Whilst we have many mutual, societal ideas about success (which I’ll come to) many of our measures for success are deeply personal.

As we are growing up, our experiences inform our desires. Abraham Hicks often speaks about the following truth: that through observing what you don’t want, you become clear about what you do want.

Your desires are born through contrast. We constantly desire change and expansion, for we think that we will feel better in the getting of that bigger and better thing. Actualising our desires, therefore, becomes our personal measure of success.

My experiences informed a desire to be seen, hence I chose acting. The achievement of my desire looked specifically like my receiving an Oscar nomination, for that moment would be proof to me that I had accomplished being seen.

The more time that passed, the greater my awareness became of not having yet achieved this desire. This only made me more aware of the thought that I was trying to overcome through striving for my desire in the first place: that I was invisible. The fact that my perceived invisibility seemed more of a reality than my being seen meant I was met with a perpetual feeling of failure.

Leaning on limiting beliefs about my self was where I went wrong, for fame became my measure for success. Limiting beliefs inform our individual ideas of success, and they also screw us over. We don’t come up with the solutions to our obstacles on our own, however…

2. What does society say about success?

For a start, society still very much connects success with material possession, for attachment to material possession (particularly that of wealth and fortune) is a fault of the human ego, ever tempted by the illusion that ‘seeing is believing.’ Furthermore, success has and continues to be attributed to social status, particularly those with fame and prosperity.

Not enough emphasis is placed on that which can’t be seen, and this leads to one of life’s biggest misconceptions: that material value determines one’s worth.

Def. 2: Success= Attaining wealth, prosperity and/or fame

The root fear of all humans is: I am not enough. A popular way to smother this fear is to hold on to the material and tangible, as it makes us feel more certain of our existence. We think that if we attach things and labels to ourselves, it’ll boost our worth.
‘I’m a millionaire; I’m the CEO of a banking firm; I’m an Academy Award winning Actor; I’m vegan; I’m a singer; I’m married, I have a six pack and can bench 140kg…’ (the list is endless.)
For without these things, who are we and how can we be sure that we amount to something?

“Ego is the false perception of oneself as a limited being.”

– Eckhart Tolle

Our modern world has opened up a multitude of opportunities that didn’t exist just a couple of generations ago. Where people were once thought of as either ‘fortunate’ or ‘unfortunate’ depending on the cards that they were dealt in life, it is now commonly accepted that we are, in fact, the creators of our reality. There have been enough ‘rags to riches’ stories for us to see that we are not fated; we can be, do and have whatever we desire.

Whilst this is liberating, the fact that we are no longer victims to our life experience presents a new kind of stress: the pressure of responsibility. There is more expectation for one to do well with their life.

Nowadays, the word ‘success’ is thrown around more than ever before, attributing to societies obsession with being, doing and having the best. It is no longer acceptable to, say, just start up a business– it needs to become the best business in it’s field. It is not enough to simply cook for pleasure– you must go on Master Chef and be deemed the best cook. You like playing netball? Awesome… But are you playing for the National team? This pressure applies to every area of our life, and it is emphasised by the media, who plays into that common human fear of: I am not enough.

Our need for success is driven by our limiting beliefs, and our ideas of success are derived from our environment. Success according to this format, however, encourages shame, as well as breeds further stress.

Success taken from this model is a lie, for it narrows our focus and causes us to view our life through a tainted lens. We cannot see the areas where we are actually successful, for we are only focused on the parts of our life that are still lacking.

3. What does it actually mean to be successful?

Success is not about having, it is about being. It has nothing to do with material possession, status, fame or wealth; it is much simpler than that: it is about being in alignment with oneself. Success is personal, and personal success will differ from person to person.

This is where society gets it wrong, for we tend to believe that success looks the same for everybody, and this simply isn’t the case.

Each of us has personal desires, and it is true that these desires are born through feeling lack, or observing things that we do not want. These desires are unique, and we cannot fully comprehend another’s desire, meaning we cannot fully comprehend (or define) another’s success.

We often look at others and believe that they are more successful than us– yet just because somebody has what you want doesn’t mean that they have received it from the standpoint that you are coming from. One might be born into wealth, and another born into poverty. The one who is born into poverty desires wealth and decides that the one who was born into wealth is more successful than them. Wealth is circumstantial to the one who was born into money, and so their desire will be something different. Their idea of success might be a stable, loving relationship. Let’s say the man who was born into poverty has been happily married for 10 years. The wealthy man will look to the poor man and see success. We assume that those who have what we desire started from the same place that we did, but everybody has their own journey. Our points of attraction are different, therefore it isn’t what you have or who you are that makes you successful, it is your ability to align with your unique desires.

Success is a thing to begin with because our mutual purpose as humanity is self-actualisation. We desire to be the best, most complete version of ourselves. It isn’t the desires alone– it is the fact that you always feel good when you are in alignment with what you want and who you have become, and these good feelings bring you closer to your true self, who is is joyous, loving and all-knowing.

“Success is alignment; focused thought, control of the thoughts I think, feeling my emotions and guiding my thoughts deliberately toward the greater being that is me.”

– Abraham Hicks

In summary, you need to define your own success and ignore what the others are doing. Ever heard the expression ‘follow your joy’? Your emotions are your guide, and if you endeavour to follow your joy, you cannot go far wrong. I have therefore come to lean on the following definition:

Def. 3: Success= Alignment with ones true self