What It Means to Surrender

Lately, I’ve been considering what it means to surrender. 

The idea is to release the ‘shoulds’ in my life to allow space for what could be. To let go of the expectations I place on myself so as to align with the things that may find me organically.

The decision to surrender came from exhaustion

I’ve spent years hustling. I’ve never been able to sit still, forever driven by an incessant need to better myself — my body, mindset, career prospects, and basically every other facet of my life.  

It’s natural to dream, to want more. But when we become too attached to the outcome, we  sabotage our happiness for a future we cannot really guarantee. 

I have chased a vision so hard that I forgot to live in the moment, driven by a need to prove myself. I believed (like most) that my happiness existed somewhere in the distant future. Worthiness and love sat on a pedestal — out of reach until I’d earned the right to it. 

With time, I grew tired. My peace was always pending. I got sick of denying myself joy. 

Like a soldier, I was always at war — but with myself. Maybe it was time to try another tactic. The time had come to learn how to put down my weapon. 

Control is an illusion 

Putting down the weapon began by acknowledging that there are certain things we simply can’t control. 

I’m a huge advocate for personal responsibility — for challenging my thoughts, healing my wounds, and being conscious of my actions. However, there are limits. 

While we can control our inner world — our thoughts and emotions — we cannot control our external environment, e.g., other people and their actions. We cannot predict global events. And we cannot directly control the specifics of how our life unfolds. 

So much of my unhappiness came from the illusion of being in control. 

Surrender is realizing that we are limited. 

Try as we might to dictate our lives, there is always going to be an element of mystery — a stronger force than you or I that guides us on our path. To surrender is to pass the reins to this mysterious force and admit that in the grand scheme of things, we really know very little. 

Knowing this intellectually was one thing; embodying it was another.

It takes courage to give up the grind

I found it frightening to put down my weapon. Suddenly, I was wrangling with all of life’s unknowns: What will become of me? Will I get what I want? 

I feared collapse. By giving up the hustle, would I simply… fail? 

Through control, I had the illusion that I was safe: My limiting self-beliefs were kept at bay (unworthy, unloveable). 

Surrender forced me to question whether those beliefs were ever true.

This quote epitomizes the lesson I was beginning to learn: 

“I wish everyone could get rich and famous and have everything they ever dreamed of so they would know that’s not the answer.”
— Jim Carrey

I began to realize that I had been looking outside of myself, when in actuality, the peace, love, and fulfillment I sought resided within. I just needed to learn how to tap into it. 

Surrender is a feeling process

Happiness became my touchstone.

Instead of waiting to be happy once I had earned it, I began to lead with the things that promised peace and joy now. 

I gently released the things that felt burdensome, like the incomplete side-project that was draining me. In this way, I cleared space for more of the things that lit me up.

I began to develop new habits that felt nourishing — like daily journaling, which became a way to sharpen my intuition. 

I set the intention to begin each day with surrender. Slow mornings ensured I was giving to myself first. I fed my body and soul with meditation or a mindful cup of coffee. Being purposeful first thing better set me up for the rest of the day.

I also began asking myself new questions. ‘What will get me ahead today?’ became ‘What feels fun?’ or ‘What do I feel I need right now?’ These questions soothed my nervous system and opened me up. 

And that’s how surrender feels: safe, expansive, and easy — a release. 

As I leaned into the feeling process, I began to understand that surrender wasn’t something to do but a way to be.     

Surrender is a state of Being

To surrender is to embrace Being over doing.

Beingness honours flow and the cyclical nature of life. It is to trust in the guidance of a higher power — to know we’re not doing this alone. 

Surrender is about emotional attunement, where we listen to the way our body feels and use its signals to determine next steps. By tuning in and learning to listen, we gradually fall into alignment with ourselves. 

I believe the feminine epitomises Beingness:
Feminine energy is grounded, intuitive, and intentional. It begins with a pause before taking action — where any action taken is purposeful.

When we release the expectations we have around who we should be and how our life should go, we open ourselves up to possibilities we may otherwise have missed. 

“Let go of what you think you need, and what you really need will show up”
— Gabrielle Bernstein

This piece consolidates reflections from earlier Moonlight posts (2021) that have been revisited and expanded upon.