Increasing Happiness Through Presence 

I recently took a break and went to the countryside, just a couple of hours out of the city. 

My partner and I stayed in a quiet little villa overlooking a small vineyard and a couple of ponds. The solitude was immense, and the opportunity for utter relaxation overwhelming. 

I would have liked to enjoy it more — for in reality, it was a little confronting. 

Whenever I take a break, I find it takes a few days to adjust to the slower pace of things. This time, more than usual, I was aware of the intolerance I have developed for presence. 

It felt difficult to simply sit and soak up the view. I was itching to pick up my phone, or a book at the very least. The need to do and to distract was real. It saddened me to think I’d lost my ability to just be in the present moment. 

But I know I’m not the only one. I look around and see the same urge to do and distract in everyone around me. 

It made me realize that, as a society, we have developed an intolerance for presence. There is so much opportunity for joy throughout the day, but we diminish our ability to experience pleasure by denying the present moment.

I wondered when I had developed this intolerance, and what I could do to begin enjoying life’s simple pleasures once more. 

Consumption addiction

I discovered a term the other day for the exact intolerance I have been experiencing, and it’s called ‘consumption addiction.’ It was described as “the addiction no one talks about” (@the.minimalistmethod), yet it’s a silent killer, running rampant through society, sucking our souls and leaving us sick, drained, and depressed. 

The pace of life has quickened a great deal. We have become busier, more interconnected, and better resourced. While this has its benefits, it’s also affected our attention span, cortisol levels, critical thinking, and our happiness. We are over-stimulated and disconnected. 

Consumption addiction describes the need we have for continual stimulation — mindless activity that gives us temporary ‘pleasure’ (scrolling, eating, texting, watching Netflix, drinking, scrolling again). 

Sound familiar?

Slowing down feels increasingly difficult — we find ourselves restless and anxious, unable to face the present moment.

But why are we so afraid of stillness and silence?

Presence feels frightening

When we stop being perpetually engaged — stimulated or distracted — we’re suddenly confronted with our thoughts, feelings, and the very essence of who we are.

For many of us, it feels safer to distract than to face our inner demons — the parts we try to silence and repress. 

But by distracting ourselves, we also deny ourselves something vital: joy. We lose the small moments that have the potential to give us infinite pleasure: a beautiful view, the flavours in a meal, the sound of a birdsong, or the light through the trees. 

These are the moments that matter — the things that feed our sense of happiness. 

Presence fuels happiness

Happiness is a widely misunderstood concept. We all want it, but we have a tendency to look for it in the wrong places. 

We look for happiness externally — via other people, the acquisition of material possessions or certain opportunities — and we place it in the future. We chase it. Happiness becomes a distant concept — a destination we believe we’ll reach eventually, once we overcome certain obstacles, or perhaps never at all.

I’ve come to learn that in actual fact, happiness is intimately tied in with our quality of presence.

Happiness is not something to be acquired or earned, but something to be reclaimed — rediscovered within.

Happiness is innate, and as such, we all have the ability to experience it now, regardless of the trajectory of our lives.

It begins with presence.

How do we find presence?

I think we begin to reclaim presence when we challenge our intolerance for stillness. We gradually reintroduce it and develop it like any habit: through consistent effort.  

There are several ways I’ve begun inviting more presence into my days, but I’ve started with two.

I’m carving out time daily to be present:
The idea is to stop and breathe for an intentional five minutes (or more). To resist the urge to go for my phone in quieter moments and instead take the opportunity to pause. In practice, this includes walking without headphones, sitting on the bus without reaching for my phone, or sitting with my morning coffee without distraction. 

I actively resist multitasking:
Multi-tasking invites sensory overload. I’ve never been good at multi-tasking for this reason, so I stick to doing one thing at a time. 

In my opinion, presence honours quality over quantity. Therefore, it’s about relishing a moment without rushing to get to the next moment. After all, what’s the point if we are so distracted that we’re unable to savour the life we’re living?

 “Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.”
— Eckhart Tolle