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SARAH MOON

Tag: surrender

Releasing unwanted thoughts and feelings

A simple, practical tool for releasing unwanted thoughts and feelings.

Today I want to share a practical tool that I have found extremely useful in releasing old, unwanted habits of thought and negative emotion. It is one of the foundational tools I teach when I work with an individual on shifting limiting beliefs. The tool can be thought of as a practical means of surrender, and is called going limp.

I was taught going limp at drama school, where we used it both personally and in our work, and honestly, it has changed my life.

Going Limp

What is it?

I guess you could call it a mental action. It’s a conscious request you make to yourself to surrender. Whilst the decision to go limp is a cognitive decision, the going limp itself is a feeling process.

Literally, to go limp is to relax. If your body is in a state of tension, being limp is the opposite: complete physical relaxation. As this is a mental action, to go limp is to relax mental tension (resistance in the way of thoughts and negative emotion.)

How do you go limp?

You need to train your mind to go limp, so at first, practice it like you would an affirmation. Say to yourself: I go limp, and feel into a place of mental relaxation. Whilst practicing, hold onto the impression of being limp for 10 seconds or so, then just let it go. Keep coming back to it, and over time, you will automatically recall the sensation of being limp as it becomes muscle-memory.

A metaphor for going limp is to imagine you are holding a bunch of balloons, and then you just let them go, allowing them to float away.

Going limp is to surrender control, and to simply allow what is. It is acceptance, like shrugging and saying to yourself: ‘okay’.

Going limp is not repression. It shouldn’t feel like you’re holding a cork under water, but quite the opposite: like letting go of a cork you’ve been trying to suppress, letting it bounce back to the surface where it wants to go.

It should feel easy.

Another metaphor for going limp is the way Hermione Granger deals with Devil’s Snare in the film version of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Upon contact, Devil’s Snare (a plant) wraps itself around it’s victim, threatening to suffocate it. The way to free yourself of Devil’s Snare is not to fight it, but to surrender to it. By releasing the struggle, Hermione becomes encompassed by the plant at first, but is then released by it and set free.

When to go limp?

Whenever you feel negative emotion or the presence of unwanted thoughts, you can go limp. When we experience negative thoughts and emotions, our usual response is to either engage with them, or to try and fight them. Both only give the thought or emotion more power. Like with Devil’s Snare, the more you struggle the stronger it becomes.

When you allow a thought or emotion to exist without trying to control it, you are actually saying “I see you, and I accept you for what you are, but I will not try to control you because I know you are just a thought/ emotion and you do not define me.” Through acceptance comes surrender, and the thought/ emotion is weakened, eventually setting you free.

I hope that you find this tool helpful. I welcome any questions if you’re wanting to find out more or are struggling to apply it. It’s a simple tool, but can sometimes take time to feel into. Nonetheless, it’s a game changer once you get the hang of it!

 

Photo by Sirirak Boonruangjak from Pexels

Working with resistance

There are days when you’re in flow, and there are days when everything feels like an effort. How can you approach days where you feel resistance?

There are days when you’re in flow, and there are days when everything feels like an effort. I refer to the latter as experiencing resistance. If you take this literally, it’s like you’re putting all your weight against a boulder that just won’t budge. Or, you’re trying to swim upstream, pushing against the current.

I can often feel resistance in my body. I feel tense, knotted in my chest, heavy in my legs and sometimes my belly.

Mentally, I feel drained and angsty and frustrated. Sometimes I feel depressed, and sometimes I want to hide.

Honestly, these are the days when you just feel heavy and crappy.

Days like these can be really tricky to navigate– especially when you have obligations or plans for that day. You can’t just go back to bed; you need to persevere with the days events to a certain degree. Nonetheless, you don’t have to suffer your way through the day.

So, how can you approach these days? How can you work with the resistance? (Because if you can’t go back to bed, you’ve got to work with it.)

It’s natural to try and push through the resistance; to persevere as if nothing is wrong. If you take the boulder metaphor, however, this will often cause you to feel worse. You’re going to want to back off to a certain degree. Swimming upstream never got anybody anywhere. You’ve got to find a way to go with the flow.

First and foremost, don’t ignore how you’re feeling.

If you’re feeling crappy, there’s a reason for it. You don’t necessarily need to dig deep into the reason, but something’s going on and it doesn’t help to deny it. Denying it is swimming upstream. Acknowledge that you are feeling off. Allow it to be what it is. Allow yourself to be what you are: mess, frustrations, bad hair, bloating and all. 

Then:

Find out what you need.

Ask yourself: What do I need right now? What do I need today?

A need is likely not being met- hence why you feel crappy. You may not know what you need, so just find the next best thing.

It can be really simple. Sometimes, all you need is to sit for 10 minutes with a coffee. Or, you just need a really good laugh.

Maybe you need a break? Maybe you just need company; to meet up with a friend or family member and have a good chat and a giggle. To feel connected.

Maybe you need a rest? Perhaps it’s possible for you to lighten your schedule for that day or take the day off entirely.

When I feel like this, I often need to bring some fun into my day, or something that evokes the senses. On days like this, I have found myself:

  • grabbing coffee and sitting in the park
  • bribing myself with shorter work intervals and more frequent breaks
  • spontaneously driving up the coast to my favourite beach
  • texting a friend and meeting them for lunch 
  • taking myself on a date to the movies (with a cheeky glass of wine at the wine bar prior)
  • lying on the bed listening to moody music
  • watching stand-up comedy or a rom-com
  • sharing a tub of Ben and Jerry’s with my partner

Whatever works. Whatever reinstalls (even if marginally) feelings of comfort, peace, joy, love and ease. Just find the next best thing, and navigate the day as best you can.

“Do the best you can until you know better, then when you know better, do better.”

– Maya Angelou

The power in letting go of who you think you should be

A personal experiment in surrendering to the flow of life.

 

“Let go of what you think you need, and what you really need will show up”

–Gabrielle Bernstein

This is my biggest experience as of late: letting go of who I think I should be in order to allow space for who I could be. There is so much relief and liberation in this experience. It’s not complete, yet I’m finding it such a valuable (and universal) lesson that I want to share what I make of it so far.

Hypothesis:

1. Life works better when you surrender control and go with the flow.

2. When you let go of your expectations of who you think you should be and what your life should be like, you open yourself up to greater happiness and abundance than you could ever otherwise create for yourself.

Why the decision to let go?

Honestly, I was exhausted. I was tired of chasing and hustling to be a version of myself that I once decided I needed to be in order to be happy.

I’ve never been able to sit still. I’m always working on something; toward something, whether that’s a better body, fame, status, wealth. Different facets, but all driven by the same unconscious need: be better, rise above. Prove yourself.

It’s great to have a dream– but, become too attached to it and you sabotage your own happiness at the expense of always living for a future you can never guarantee. Goals inspire action– yet, become too attached to the achievement of your goals and you risk perpetual feelings of inadequacy. The dilemma? Chasing a vision so hard that you forget to experience the life that is happening for you in this very moment. And, if your vision is skewed (like mine was) you deny yourself in the process. My intentions were not pure, but tainted by an idea that I needed to prove my worthiness and earn my love.

“If you can’t join them- beat them.” This had been my mantra since schoolgirl days, decided upon as a solution to endless days of suffering at my inability to belong. For me, worthiness and love sat on a pedestal alongside my one-day Academy Award, high above the heads of all those who never seemed to see me. I’ve been on a never-ending mission to reach that pedestal, believing that without it, I’m love-less and worthless.

I got tired– tired of failing, and sick of being denied love and happiness. My happiness was always pending, and after a while, the angst of waiting and of being denied grinds you down.

Furthermore, the more awareness I gained about my subconscious motivations, the harder it became to ignore them. All it took was for me to reach an eventual tipping point, whereby my craving for happiness outweighed my need for validation.

Most of us live in this way (hustling for happiness and worthiness that we believe exists outside of ourselves.) For me, comprehending how I was living in this way was one thing, whilst having the courage to surrender is another.

Surrendering who you think you should be

It takes courage to give up your own expectations of who you think you should be, for it’s frightening to consider the consequences. Who will I become? You’re wrangling the unknowns. What will become of me? We fear that if we stop running and fighting, the very things that we are running from will catch up to us and envelope us, defining us in new ways (a failure, a loser, a nobody, unlovable, etc.)

For me, I was so fed up that I figured I had nothing to lose. I realised that I wasn’t necessarily becoming more lovable and worthy amidst all my efforts, hence, what was the point in knocking on the same door day after day?

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

–Albert Einstein

There’s something else too: I know by now that searching for love and validation outside of oneself is never the answer. I know that my efforts to prove myself were bunk, for how true were the beliefs about my lovability (or perceived lack thereof) in the first place? Probably not true at all. I came to comprehend that I had spent years chasing something that didn’t need to be chased.

“I wish everyone could get rich and famous and have everything they ever dreamed of so they would know that’s not the answer.”

–Jim Carey

A lesson in faith

There is a certain liberation in uncertainty when you choose to embrace it rather than fear it. New Covid restrictions in Sydney aided my decision to let go. With nowhere to go and no way of knowing when certainty would return, I was able to lean into the uncertainty more easily.

Practical steps I’ve taken as I let go

1. I’ve given up on things that I have come to realise I don’t really want.

This has included a long list of projects and endeavours that I came to see I felt more burdened by than inspired by. Once erased from my schedule, this left me with very little to do. But for the occasional bout of anxiety, my cluttered schedule is not missed, for I’ve shed projects that I’ve come to see were never meant for me in the first instance– at least not at this time.

2. I’ve prioritised solid self-care practices to help me tune into my intuition.

This currently includes a daily practice of yoga, journalling, meditation and exercise, and helps me stay connected to the subtle inner guidance that leads me towards my true path at this time.

3. I am practicing following my joy.

I’m asking myself regularly: what do I find fun? What brings me pleasure? Joy begets joy, and so I figure: if I want to manifest true happiness and abundance, I must first seek out the things that bring me joy.

4. I’m handing my dreams over to the universe.

I can no longer carry the burden of trying to control my future. As such, I’m handing it over to a higher power, whilst choosing to trust that my inner being will guide me toward my highest good.

Conclusion:

Expectations carry a lot of weight, and the lightness I feel from having released the shackles is the most noticeable difference so far. My anxiety has reduced, and I feel a greater sense of peace and freedom. This is a process nonetheless, and the night is young.

“Whatever will be will be”

–Aaliyah

 

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Control what you can, surrender what you can’t

By choosing to control what you can – and only what you can – you take your power back.

 

I’m an advocate for self-empowerment. It is the cornerstone of my teachings and my own self-development journey.

What does it mean to be self-empowered?

Essentially: To be in control, or to have autonomy over oneself– extending (but not limited) to self-beliefs, emotions and actions.

In empowering yourself, bear in mind the following:
Control what you can, surrender to what you can’t (control.)

We cannot control our external environment: other people and our future.
We CAN control out internal environment: our thoughts and emotions.

When we fail to take control of our inner world, we become victims, powerless to circumstances, the actions of others and even to our own thoughts and emotions.

You have more control than you think.

To be self-empowered is to govern yourself and your inner world.
By choosing to control what you can (your personal life) you take your power back– And there is so much power to tap into when your really get to know yourself. All of the peace, fulfillment and love that you desire resides within.

What you can’t control:

1. The specifics of how your future will pan out, including: job opportunities and world events.

2. The way in which you change or influence others, if at all.

3. The thoughts, actions and behaviours of others.

Therefore: LET IT GO, and focus on that which you can control.

What you can control:

1. The thoughts you have in response to something that has happened.

2. Your emotional state. Your emotions are autonomous to begin with– but you have the power to shift them once you’re aware of them.

3. The way you spend your time. The self-empowered person makes time for activities that bring them personal fulfillment on a regular basis– in this way, directly influencing their health and sense of freedom and happiness.

 

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

-Arthur Ashe

What it means to live in a state of surrender

Energetically, surrender is a place of acceptance, open-mindedness and intuition. If you begin here, any action you take will be more aligned.

 

Today, I’m reflecting on what it means to live in a state of surrender.

To clarify first and foremost, surrender is NOT giving up.

Surrender is letting go, going with the flow, releasing.

There is that classic image of the soldier putting down their weapon and throwing their hands in the air, saying ‘I surrender.’ To run with this image, the action of surrender shows a willingness to put down one’s weapons and give up the fight. Maybe it’s to declare victory to a more powerful force, or to welcome the possibility of a new way of going about the fight. Nonetheless, giving up the fight is exactly what I’m getting at.

When we are fighting, we are in the hustle. We are working and doing, using our productivity and power of force to make things happen. The idea here is: If I work hard enough (if I put in enough time and muscle) I will get to where I want to be going. Energetically, this is the epitome of the masculine.

To give up the fight is to embrace BEING rather than DOING. It is to honour the flow, and the cyclical nature of life. It is to trust in the guidance of a higher power; to know that you’re not going this alone. It is to give up control, in realising that control is an illusion to begin with. Energetically, this is the epitome of the feminine.

The key, I believe, is to finely balance both, but to always start with surrender. Energetically, surrender is a place of acceptance, open-mindedness and intuition. If you begin here, any action you take will be more aligned and purposeful.

Here are three ways you can practice surrender:

1. Begin each day with surrender

The idea is to find that place (emotionally) of ease and acceptance right off the bat. You set the tone for the day first thing in the morning. How you achieve this is up to you. Perhaps it’s making a cup of tea and enjoying it with a book. Maybe it’s going for a walk. For me, it’s journaling and meditation.

2. When you find yourself in the fight, put down your weapon

This takes mindfulness as you go about your day. Literally, this may mean walking away when you find yourself in conflict with somebody. Stopping to grab some water or fresh air when you’re overworking and tying yourself in knots. Noticing when you’re stressed and pausing to breathe. It may even mean taking the day off to rest and release.

3. Pause regularly to appreciate

Appreciation is vibrationally the best and quickest way you can practice the energy of acceptance. Appreciation can be practiced by simply acknowledging the things that you love about your life right now, and looking for things in your immediate environment that please you.

If it feels easy, it probably is. If it feels hard, you’re likely overthinking it.

Surrender is a feeling process. It is matter of learning to lean on your emotional guidance and intuition over force and action.

Meditation is one of the best ways of practicing surrender. Follow this link to download my free 7 minute ‘happy place’ meditation for freedom and calm.