Sarah Moon, Author at Moonlight

3 ways to better get to know yourself

Awareness of oneself is probably the greatest asset to personal success and fulfilment. Based on my personal favourites, here are 3 ways to better get to know yourself.

As Moonlight is, essentially, a personal development blog, I thought I’d share the top 3 ways I have deepened my understanding of self.

‘To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom’
– Socrates

I love getting to know myself. In fact, I’m a little obsessed with it. But I agree with Socrates – the better I get to know myself, the more empowered I feel. Getting to know yourself goes beyond your likes and dislikes; it’s about understanding your yearnings, your needs and the unique calling of your soul. Knowing myself helps me navigate life’s roadblocks, whether figuring out how to create more balance in my day-to-day, how to navigate relationships, or how I approach the future as it unfolds. Honestly, I couldn’t advocate for it more. Awareness of oneself is probably the greatest asset to personal success and fulfilment. And so, based on my personal favourites, here are 3 ways to better get to know yourself:

1. Do the Myer-Briggs personality test

What’s your personality type? There are plenty of personality tests out there, but the one I’ve liked best is the Myers-Briggs personality test, a comprehensive questionnaire developed between 1940-60 based on Carl Jung’s theory of personality types. The Myers-Briggs is a self-report inventory of around 90 questions designed for individuals to identify their personality type amongst 16 archetypes. The report is quite detailed, allowing you to learn more about your strengths, weaknesses, possible career preferences and compatibility with other people.

You can do the test for free here.

2. Look at your astrological birth chart

Many are mistrustful of astrology, one of the main reasons being that they find it too all-encompassing or vague. However, the horoscope you might find in your local newspaper provides a poor point-of-reference compared to the breadth of understanding you can gain from understanding your astrological birth chart (also called a natal chart).

When we look at our star sign, we’re really only looking at a very small aspect of a much larger picture. Our astrological birth chart gives a precise overview of the exact positioning of the planets the moment we were born – to the minute, if you know your birth time. In astrology, we are more than our star sign (sun sign). Our moon sign and rising sign (also called our ascendant) are just as important, as are the position of our north and south node, and so on. Every planet sits within the energy field of a different zodiac sign, and each planet governs a different aspect of our life. It therefore makes a difference whether Venus (the planet of love and relationships) is ruled by Leo or Aquarius in our birth chart. Or whether our sun sign sits in the 6th house or 8th house. It’s these specificities that make up the overall picture, and if you’re willing to do a little research, you might just find you learn a lot about yourself from your birth chart. (A warning: It’s addictive.)

You can get a free copy of your birth chart here.

Alternatively, I have consulted with an astrologer twice, and I still re-visit the session notes from time-to-time because I find them so insightful. Contrary to what some might think, a good astrologer never makes predictions. Rather, they walk you through the specifics of your birth chart, helping you understand your unique approach to life and how you can harness the potential of your chart to find greater balance, fulfillment and success while overcoming obstacles unique to you.

3. Learn your Human Design type

In essence, Human Design identifies our unique energy type and shows us how to interact with the world and live life in alignment with our true nature. It is a guide for how we can best harness our unique energy for balance, fulfillment and success. The premise is: ‘When we operate with our body’s natural energies instead of against them, we experience less resistance in our bodies and our lives.’ (Lynette Hagins, Goop, 2022.) I find Human Design a little difficult to explain. If you want to read further, read Goop’s full Q&A with Human Design analyst Lynette Hagins here.

Much like the natal chart in astrology, our Human Design type gets deciphered from our birth time and place. Our unique chart, called a BodyGraph, is a map of our genetic code that reveals how our energy is here to correctly engage in the physical world.

You can discover your Human Design type here.

Discovering my Human Design type was a life-changer. We are all so unique, but – due heavily to the way our capitalist society is structured – we are taught to behave and believe as though we are the same. Human Design has helped me to better understand my unique needs and approach to life, and I’ve been all the wiser for it.

Final thoughts:

There is always so much more to a person than the labels prescribed to them. For instance, rarely is an individual either introverted or extroverted. And the reason the LGBTQIA+ alphabet keeps growing is because people struggle to identify with a particular, existing label. Be mindful, therefore, not to put yourself in a box. People are complex. Plus, we change over time, and that’s a good thing. For instance, I re-did the Myers-Briggs while writing this post and discovered that for the first time since I first completed the questionnaire in 2016, I’ve changed personality type! Stay curious. Remember that these are just tools to better understand who you are – and there will always be new ways that you’ll come to know yourself.

Mental health: breaking the stigma

Practical things we can do as individuals to help break the stigma around mental health and look out for ourselves and one another.

In light of R U OK day on the 8th September, I thought I’d return to the subject that initially kickstarted this blog back in 2019: mental health.

Whilst headway has been made to broaden the resources available to those suffering mental ill-health, there still remains a lot of stigma around the subject in the way of shame, isolation (not knowing who to talk to), denial and misinformation. It can be difficult to know what to do; both when we are experiencing poor mental health and need support, and when we are concerned for somebody else. In this post, I want to break this down to look at what practical things we can do as individuals to help break the stigma and look out for ourselves and one another.

1. We all experience mental ill-health

Firstly, here are some statistics to give you an idea of how common mental ill-health is:

According to an annual report done by the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) for the year 2020-2021:

Over two in five Australians aged 16-85 years (43.7% or 8.6 million people) had experienced a mental disorder at some time in their life
One in five (21.4% or 4.2 million people) had a 12-month mental disorder

These statistics say a lot about the commonality of mental ill health in our society– but it’s also worth noting that the statistics are likely higher. As ABS says, “A mental illness can be defined as ‘a clinically diagnosable disorder.’”^[1]https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/health/mental-health/national-study-mental-health-and-wellbeing/2020-21 It can be assumed, therefore, that those who agreed to having had a mental disorder in this instance were likely diagnosed by a professional. This excludes those who temporarily experienced poor mental health, but who wouldn’t have defined themselves as having had a ‘disorder.’ The reality is, all of us experience depressive episodes, stress and anxiety from time to time. It’s a part of our human make-up; we are born with a full spectrum of emotions. This is why we need to break the stigma, because if it’s normal for us to experience mental ill-health, then we needn’t feel ashamed.

2. What stops us from asking for help?

According to ABS, over two in five admit to having experienced a mental disorder at some point in their life. Consider, then, that if you’re amidst a group of five friends or colleagues, etc, at least two of you could be experiencing poor mental health at that point in time. The question becomes: are we talking about it?– or are we suffering in silence? If we are suffering in silence, then what is it that stops us from asking for help?

Shame.

As humans, one of our greatest needs is to belong. We therefore fear anything that we think will jeopardise our ability to belong, and we tuck it away, ashamed. This includes mental health. Because poor mental health isn’t yet normalised in society, we will commonly believe that if our mental health isn’t good, that makes us abnormal. When we experience depression, anxiety etcetera, we may therefore assume we are the only one who feels this way, and this belief isolates us.

Looking at the way our society is structured, it’s no wonder we are afraid to talk about our mental health. All you have to do is look at social media to observe the facade we live in: Filters, smiles; we showcase the best bits of life. Nobody posts a photo of themselves crying and holed up in bed because they feel so depressed they can’t get up that day. Imagine if we did, however? Perhaps more of us would be willing to reveal those shadowy aspects of ourselves; the parts we fear make us unworthy of belonging?

Belonging extends to a fear of being rejected. It’s one thing to be judged for having poor mental health (for being weak, weird, etc), but what if that leads to loss? What if we lose friends, our partner, or our job? What if nobody wants to work with us anymore? This is a valid fear– but only because of the stigma! In a society that is able to acknowledge the normality of poor mental health, we needn’t have to fear rejection. We needn’t have to feel ashamed.

3. What stops us from asking others if they are okay?

There are a couple of reasons we don’t ask others whether they are okay when we feel concerned for them:

The first is that we may fear being presumptuous. It can feel just as vulnerable reaching out to somebody to ask if they are okay as it is to ask for help. We may fear being laughed at or told off. Again, we don’t want to be rejected.

We may feel we do not know the individual well enough. Say they are a colleague, we may fear being nosey or inappropriate, or we may assume that they already have the support they need.

We may not know what to say.

Finally– and I think this is the main reason– we don’t want to have to bare the brunt of another person’s problems. We may fear that if we ask somebody if they are okay, they will unleash upon us all of their problems, which we won’t feel equipped to handle. Nobody likes to feel burdened, and it can be confronting to feel responsible for another’s wellbeing. However, asking somebody if they are okay doesn’t mean you need to provide the solution. I’ll speak more on this in the next section.

4. What does it actually mean to talk about our mental health?

Talking about our mental health begins with courage. It takes courage to be honest, and to face any fears we may have about being rejected, judged or misunderstood– knowing, that on the other side of fear lives liberation. If fear drives us apart, then vulnerability brings us closer. It is uncomfortable to reveal our vulnerabilities, (to talk about our mental health) but just because something is uncomfortable doesn’t mean we should avoid it.

As thought leader Brene’ Brown said in an interview with Forbes on human connection^[2]https://www.forbes.com/sites/danschawbel/2017/09/12/brene-brown-why-human-connection-will-bring-us-closer-together/?sh=3fcee9bb2f06 :

“We’re going to have to learn how to listen, have hard conversations… share pain, and be more curious than defensive.”

– Brene Brown.

The bottom line is: for the sake of our collective wellbeing, we’re just going to have to start having the hard conversations.

-For those in need of help:

Know that help will always be given to those who ask. (I think I’m quoting Albus Dumbledore here, but don’t let that trump the validity of the statement!)

If you are suffering from poor mental health, then this begins with having the courage to reach out to others. If you don’t feel able to speak with a friend, family member or neighbour, then there are other options. You can speak to your GP or a psychologist. In Australia, there are free services that we can utilise if money is an issue, and I will link some of these below. For anonymity, there are text services that will allow you to speak to someone instantly, which may provide a temporary solution (also linked below.)

There is always a solution, even if there doesn’t seem to be one in the moment. Also, there will always be somebody willing to listen.

-For those wanting to help:

If you are concerned about somebody, please have the courage to reach out, despite your hesitations. Sometimes, checking in with somebody is enough to let them know that they aren’t alone– and for those who struggle to ask for help, it can make all the difference.

As I mentioned in point 3, we oftentimes fear the responsibility that comes with asking somebody if they need help. Know that you do not need to provide a solution. Breaking the stigma begins with asking: are you okay? If the individual says “no”, then the next thing you can do is ask whether they have support. If you feel comfortable being that support, and wish to ask the individual if they’d like to talk, then that’s one option. However, it is perfectly valid if you need to enforce personal boundaries. A gentler solution here is to ask the individual if they would like help connecting with support, whether that be a service, a partner, family member, a manager, or a professional.

5. We all experience mental ill-health

Yes, I’ve already said it, but I want to wrap up this post by saying it again because I think normalising mental health is the first step to breaking the stigma.

We all experience mental health. I believe it can be misleading to categorise mental ill-health by calling it an illness, or disorder. This implies that there is abnormality. In some extreme cases, it may be useful to define the symptomatology for treatment purposes, but otherwise, it helps to think of mental health as a spectrum, like the image below:

As humans, we have the full spectrum of emotions available to us, meaning it is inevitable that our individual place on that spectrum will change depending on our environment, experiences, connection to resources, etc. Let’s normalise that.

I hope that you’ve found this post useful. Mental health is a huge topic, and I’ve tried to cover as much basis as possible relevant to stigma and my ideas about practical action steps we can take as individuals. Nonetheless, if you feel there is something missing, please feel free to comment below or reach out to me with your thoughts.

—–

Here are a list of resources for mental health support:

Lifeline (crisis support service, Australia): 13 11 14
Lifeline anonymous text service (Australia): https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/ / 0477 13 11 14
Lifeline chat (online chat service, USA only): https://988lifeline.org/chat/

A more comprehensive list of international services can be found here: https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm

–Photo by Finn on Unsplash

References[+]

References
↑1	https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/health/mental-health/national-study-mental-health-and-wellbeing/2020-21
↑2	https://www.forbes.com/sites/danschawbel/2017/09/12/brene-brown-why-human-connection-will-bring-us-closer-together/?sh=3fcee9bb2f06

The truth about resilience

Resilience is not something you’re born with – it’s what eventuates when you make a decision to persevere.

Resilience is not something you’re born with, it’s what eventuates when you make a decision to persevere.

There are ideas out there about resilience and the way it ties in with willpower that I believe are limiting and misconstrued. These ideas make resilience out to be a somewhat intangible quality, something that you either have or don’t have– which extends to the claim that willpower is genetic. The truth about resilience is that we each innately bare it and have the potential to develop it, and whilst there may be things that prevent us from embracing this quality, it’s much more tangible than I think some believe…

Why resilience?

Resilience is a revered quality due to it’s connection with success. When we believe we don’t possess resilience, or claim that our willpower is poor, we will also believe that this makes us unable to succeed in life. This is why I think it’s worth discussing.

Resilience is perseverance

This post is influenced by conversations had with my partner surrounding willpower. We were discussing exercise. I’ve been a regular runner since I was about 15 years old, and my partner Alex is beginning a new fitness journey that she finds challenging. Whilst listening to Alex talk about her doubts relevant to whether she can stick it out, I had a small epiphany.

“I don’t find running easy,” I said. “I find it difficult every time I run. I wasn’t born able to run 5K with ease, I just persevere. Perseverance is the only difference between you and me.”

My realisation was that Alex possessed some kind of idea around fitness that you either have it or you don’t. I think many (self-proclaimed) “non-athletic” people possess this idea, and this is why fitness is such a great example of resilience. I tend to think that if you’re going to set a goal, fitness is a great one to begin with because it is tangible. Everyone can reach a fitness goal, irrelevant of disability or physical condition, because the body is so adaptable. The only thing stopping you is your mind. (I’ll get onto that in a sec.) The truth here is this: athletic people aren’t necessarily ‘born with it’, they develop their ability through consistent effort; through perseverance, which is literally just a desire to keep going.

Resilience is NOT something you’re “just born with”

Societally, I think we like to believe that we are genetically fated because it gives us an out. As proven via scientists such as cell biologist Dr Bruce Lipton, however, we are not as genetically determined as some might have you believe. Genetic outcomes (the activation of certain genes) are determined by our subconscious environment and the beliefs we hold. (You can find out more about Dr Bruce Lipton and his work here: https://www.brucelipton.com/books/biology-of-belief/ ) There’s much I could speak about on the subject, but for the sake of this article, it all boils down to this: we each have the potential to develop resilience. It is a learned quality drawn from our innate ability as humans to adapt.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
–Friedrich Nietzsche

Resilience is gained organically through every experience that we choose to move beyond. You’re stronger than you think. You have greater willpower than you might believe. What, then, gets in the way?

The only thing stopping you from being resilient is your mind

Belief is the only thing stopping you from realising your resilience. Those who claim they have poor willpower usually hold beliefs about themselves such as I’m weak, I don’t have what it takes, I’m pathetic, etc, which in essence means that they don’t believe themselves worthy enough to succeed.

Going back to the example of my partner Alex, the difference between us is in the beliefs we hold about our physical resilience. I have been running a long time, and have developed faith in my physical capacities, which enables me to persevere under physical strain. Alex, on the other hand, has developed a belief that her body is fragile and susceptible to ‘breaking down’ under pressure, causing her to shy away from perseverance with exercise.

The only other thing stopping you is whether or not you truly give a f#$*

It’s hard to have the will to do something that you don’t actually care about. This is where you need to get honest with yourself in deciphering what your values are, and what you truly want.

Let’s say you love eating biscuits, and your partner says “you really need to stop eating biscuits because they aren’t good for you.” You agree so as to please them, but you’re not really on board with the idea, because you love biscuits and don’t see the problem with eating them. It’s going to be really difficult to resist biscuits, because it’s not what you want!

Or, to return to the exercise example: Perhaps you start running because you see other people doing it and you’ve heard it’s the best way to get fit, but you get really bored and find it difficult to persevere. Maybe the problem isn’t you, but running. You might find yoga is more your jam, or swimming, or team sports. If you love something, perseverance will come easily.

When we are unable to differentiate what we truly care about and what we feel we should be doing, we tend to get stuck in patterns of procrastination and frustration, where we berate ourselves for having “no willpower.” Perhaps the problem isn’t that you have no willpower; perhaps the problem is that you don’t really give a f#$* about that thing. (If you do think you give a f#$* but are still struggling to persevere, return to the point above about belief.)

In summary, willpower is not something you’re just born with; something some possess and others don’t. The truth about resilience is that we each innately bare it, and it’s developed via perseverance. Perseverance is a choice, which is made easy when we have positive belief in our abilities, and are pursuing activities or vocations that we give a f#$* about.

Acknowledging what’s going right

On celebrating how far you’ve come.

On the whole, we as people are pretty hopeless at looking for the positive. We are good at seeing what’s wrong, but not so good at acknowledging what’s going right.

Naturally, we are designed to always be wanting more; to be seeking improvement and expansion. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s how we’re hard-wired. Nonetheless, I believe there is balance to be found, and that is: appreciating where we’re at whilst we long for more.

I was reminded of this yesterday when, during a seminar, I was prompted with a question:

‘How would you grade yourself based on where you’re currently at?’

Initially, I gave myself a 5-7, figuring: I’m okay with where I’m at, but I’m also hankering after a few big changes. I shared this with my partner, who had the wisdom to say something along the lines of, “you know, I was going to give myself a low ranking, but then realised that I would have given myself a similar ranking this time last year. It’s not that I’m not getting anywhere though, it’s that the goalposts have moved.”

It made me realise that I’m probably selling myself short, because a lot has changed for me too… Yet, isn’t it easier to focus on our dissatisfactions than on any positive changes that might have taken place?

We’re always going to want more, that’s not going to change– but it’s also important to stop and take stock of where we’ve come from. It’s important to acknowledge what’s going right.

“Remember when you wanted what you currently have?”
–Unknown

When I think of where I was a year ago, or even 6 months ago, a lot has changed; I’ve even acquired some of the things I was wanting. It made me realise:

Where does the dissatisfaction end?

and;

Where does the appreciation, the pride, the contentedness and the sense of “I’ve made it” begin?

The way we’re hardwired, the appreciation and contentedness doesn’t begin– unless we consciously make space for it.

And so, I decided to make space for it, and I changed my grade to an 8.

Here’s the truth:

We’re always going to want more, but we’re never going to arrive at a final destination. It’s a continual journey, where we grow and adapt and shape-shift. Becoming or acquiring what we want is not the solution to our unhappiness. Rather, it’s choosing to see the good in the life we are presently living. There is always good to be found, and always growth and positive changes to be acknowledged.

Therefore, here’s an invitation for you:

Over the course of the day today, think back to where you were a year ago and ask yourself:

Where have I come from? What positive changes have taken place? What have I acquired, or who have I become, that is more than who I was then? What’s going right?

Then, celebrate it. Celebrate who you’ve become, with love for who you are becoming.

“The more your praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”
– Oprah Winfrey

How to cope when the state of the world overwhelms you

The world we live in is complex. There is potential for so much joy, and so much pain, all at the same time. This post focuses on how to cope when the state of the world overwhelms you.

Do you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed with sadness in response to the events happening in the world?
At times, I feel the pain and fear so intensely that I could lay down for days and weep.

The world we live in is complex. There is potential for so much joy, and so much pain, all at the same time. Some people proclaim that the state of things is worsening, but it isn’t. No matter what decade you live in, there is war, murder, repression, bigotry and cruelty…

Despite my heavy tone, this post isn’t designed to make you despair. My aim is to cultivate the opposite: hope. Life hurts at times. That’s a fact. What I want to focus on, however, is how to cope when the state of the world overwhelms you.

Here’s what I think helps:

1. Acknowledge your feelings

As energetic Beings, we are intricately connected on a deeper level; therefore, it’s natural for us to feel emotions that are not entirely our own. We share this earth, and there is a deeper understanding that what happens to one, happens to all. When shit happens, we hurt on behalf of the whole. We grieve for a way of life that contradicts the equality, peace and belonging most of us crave.

It’s okay to feel. Feelings are to be felt. Have a cry every now and then if you need, and take whatever time you need to process your feelings.

2. Limit your intake of news and media

For years now, I’ve made a deliberate effort to limit my consumption of news and media. Some consider it important to remain “up to date” with current affairs– yet I tend to believe that if it does more harm than good, it’s best to keep a distance. This isn’t ignorance, it’s boundaries. There’s only so much we can care about without compensating our emotional well-being. If it hurts to think about it, then disengage.

One reason it hurts is because we feel powerless. There are many things we can’t control, but one thing we can control is how we respond. The emotions we feel are a direct result of the thoughts we think, which all depends on what we choose to pay attention to. Shifting your attention away from the black hole that is bad news and media is a means of regaining control.

3. Understand that you can’t fight fire with fire

Again, we are energetic Beings and we live in an energetic universe. Where attention goes, energy flows. The way to fight war is not with war (rage, protest, angst, etc), as that only adds heat to the flame. The way to “fight” war is by contributing energy to the opposite cause: peace.

I could lay down for days and weep… But is it ultimately worth it? Does it help in any way? Or does it only contribute to the suffering that already exists?

Whenever we hurt, there exists two truths within us: an acknowledgement of what we don’t want, and a knowing of what our preference is.
If you feel a lot of pain as a result of world events, it’s because you care and you want things to be different. The anguish you feel highlights the love you have toward humanity, nature and the world at large. It highlights your desire for more peace, or more happiness. If you didn’t care, you’d feel indifferent.

When you feel the burden of the worlds pain, therefore; acknowledge the hurt, but choose to lean into your preferences. Lean into love, peace and joy. (Where attention goes, energy flows.) Take your partner on a date and focus on love; go for a walk in nature and immerse yourself in tranquility; watch a funny movie and embrace delight for a while… Take any other action that feels necessary. This is how you fight fire; by doing the opposite, and putting out that which you want more of.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
–Mahatma Gandhi

4. Know you aren’t alone

Life can be really challenging, scary and devastating– but doesn’t it help to know that we are all in this together? Whilst I’ve mentioned that it doesn’t do to dwell, it does help to talk about difficult things when the load becomes too much. Hardship and negativity drive us apart, but when we band together, we have the potential to become stronger and remember who we are.

Ultimately, it’s all about choice. We live in both heaven and hell, and I believe that there is just as much potential for love and joy in this world as there is fear and suffering. It depends on what you want to focus on: the hurt, or the potential. Every conflict creates the opportunity for us to know ourselves in a way that is more loving or powerful than we might otherwise have known.

“Life hurts at times. It hurts to have a body at times, hurts to be born, hurts to live, hurts to die, but it can be ecstasy beyond comprehension. You can know that ecstasy. It is inside of you.”
–Frederick Lenz

5 things I wish I’d known 10 years ago

Here, I’ve complied a list as I reflect on the woman I’ve become over the past decade.

Hindsight is a beautiful thing. It allows us to re-frame our past experiences and make better decisions going forward. When we have the courage to truly witness and learn from our experiences, room is made for growth, and a clearer path into the future is paved…

I’m approaching 30, so just for funzies, I’ve complied a list as I reflect on the woman I’ve become over the past decade:

5 Things I Wish I’d Known 10 Years Ago

1. Don’t work too hard

I took life so seriously as a 20 year old! I was continually hustling and worrying, denying myself fun and rest as I desperately worked toward my desired career, trying to figure it all out. What I didn’t realise is that life is a marathon, not a race. It’s a matter of steady progress and right timing, where ease and fun aid you, not inhibit you.

If I could go back, I would travel more, party more and worry way less about the future… And the same can be applied now! The purpose of life is joy. It’s not worth hustling, over-working and making sacrifices for the sake of some greater good (whether that be money, notoriety, career progression, respect…) Chill the eff out, and enjoy your life while you’re in it.

2. There’s no shame in being single

I used to feel a lot of shame around being single– and I’m conscious that this comes from a societal pressure. We are made to believe that being single is a bad thing. If you’re single for too long, something must be wrong with you; you must be lonely, unfulfilled. There can also be a lot of anxiety, (what if I never find someone?)

Honestly, it’s better to be single than to be in a relationship with the wrong person– or to be in a relationship for the wrong reason, such as to cure your loneliness. Relationships are hard work, and half the time, they ain’t all they’re cracked up to be.

The most important relationship we have is with ourselves, so the connection between you and you should be king.

If I could go back, I’d tell 20 year old me: Focus on yourself. There’s no shame in being single, and you don’t need anybody else to make you complete. The right relationships will come at the right time, and you will be ready for them when they do.

3. You don’t need to prove yourself to anybody

I’m only just wrapping my head around this one– yet it really is a relief to stop seeking others approval.

Previously, I have lived my life in accordance with what I believe others expected from me. I have done things or sought things in order to be validated, and to prove myself worthy; and when I’ve fallen short, I’ve suffered a lot, deeming myself a failure.

I’ve purposefully shifted away from this, because it only leads to anxiety and encourages low self-esteem. Ultimately, it’s a waste of time and energy, because you could never please everyone anyway. People’s expectations are too specific, and too diverse.

Live life for you; for your satisfaction only. I’ve learned that when you shift your mindset in this way, you open yourself up to a world of freedom and possibility. What others think of you is not your business, so do your best to let it go. It just isn’t worth it.

4. You’re not as weird as you think you are

We all have things about ourselves that we believe make us strange and unacceptable, whether it’s the way we think, the way we talk, specific defining experiences we’ve had or personality traits.

I used to feel so isolated as a result of this. My body image and disordered eating habits, my sexuality, my poor mental health… All of these things made me feel freakish. I would hide my problems and insecurities from others, which only caused me to feel more ostracised.

In actuality, it really would have benefited me to reach out and know I’m not alone; because we never are.

The truth is, we are all a little wacky, so we don’t need to harbour so much shame around it.

Thankfully, the world we live in today is a lot more open-minded. Our differences are embraced a whole lot more than they were just 10 years ago. I am therefore not to blame for my hesitations in being truly seen. None of us are. Society hasn’t always deemed it okay… Yet I know now that authenticity leads to personal freedom and vulnerability leads to a greater sense of connection with others. More of us need to let our freak flag fly, because it gives others permission to do the same, and we are all happier when we feel able to be ourselves.

5. It gets easier

As the years go by, you become wiser, and life becomes easier because you better understand how to navigate it.

Who you are and what you know today is going to be different to who you are what you know in a years time. Life is ever changing– and I wish I’d known this when I was younger. I felt so fated and trapped by my present reality, not know how drastically it could change.

If I could go back, I’d tell myself: Relax. Things will work out for you. Over time, you will acquire the resources you need to live a good life, so trust that you will find your way.

We’re always growing and adjusting, and it’s encouraging to look back and see how far you’ve come…
So I’m keen to hear: what do you know now that you wish you’ve known 10 years ago? Share your lessons in the comments.

Image: 20 year old me, 2012.

Increasing happiness through presence

There is so much opportunity for joy throughout the day, but we diminish our ability to experience pleasure by denying the present moment.

I recently went on a short holiday to the country, just a couple of hours out of Sydney. Whenever I take a break, I find it usually takes a few days to adjust to the slower pace of things. This time more than usual, however, I was aware of the intolerance I have developed for presence.

An intolerance for presence

See, the pace of life has quickened a great deal. We are generally unaware of it because it has occurred gradually, and we are basically amidst it 24/7. Nonetheless, as a society, we have become busier and more stimulated than ever before, and this has had an effect on our attention span, our cortisol levels, our health, our relationships, our state of awareness, and our happiness.

When we are forced to slow down, it feels increasingly difficult. We find ourselves feeling frustrated and uncomfortable, restless and anxious.

Whilst on holiday, my partner and I stayed in a quiet little villa overlooking a small vineyard and a couple of ponds. The solitude was immense, and the opportunity for relaxation overwhelming. I would like to have enjoyed it more than I did– for in all reality, it was a little confronting. I found it difficult to simply sit and look at a beautiful view without picking up my phone or a book at the very least. The need to do and to distract from the present moment was at times overpowering, and it saddened me to think that I’d lost some of my ability to just be in the present moment.

Consumption addiction

I discovered a term the other day for the exact intolerance I have been experiencing, and it’s called ‘consumption addiction.’ It was described as “the addiction no one talks about” (@the.minimalistmethod), but yet it’s a silent killer, running rampant through society, sucking our souls and leaving us sick, drained and depressed. In essence, consumption addiction describes the need we have for continual stimulation; mindless activity that gives us temporary ‘pleasure’ (scrolling, eating, texting, watching Netflix, drinking, scrolling again, etc.)
Sound familiar?

Essentially, I look at it as an intolerance for presence, for if we aren’t perpetually engaged (stimulated, distracted) then what do we get? Being-ness. And when we just ‘Be’, we are confronted with our thoughts and feelings, and the very essence of who we are.

happiness and Presence

The issue I have with my intolerance for presence– and the reason I’m talking about it– is the affect it’s having on my ability to experience joy. I don’t experience as much joy as I should considering the opportunity for joy around me, and this bothers me. I’d like to feel happier, and truly relish in whatever beauty and abundance I can in my life. I want to enjoy life. Don’t you?

Happiness is a very misunderstood concept. We all want it, but we have a tendency to look for it in the wrong places. We look for it externally, via other people, the acquirement of material possessions or certain opportunities; and we place it in the future. We chase it. It is a faraway concept, one that we will reach eventually (once we overcome certain obstacles) or, never at all.

I’ve come to realise that happiness is, in fact, intimately tied in with our quality of presence.

Happiness is not something to be acquired or earned, but something to be re-discovered from within.
If you believe that happiness is your birthright, then consider that you have the ability to experience happiness regardless of the trajectory of your life.

It begins with presence.

How do we find presence?

We all have the ability to be present, for Being is our true nature. Therefore, it’s about gradually re-introducing the concept of Being, and building it as you would any habit: through consistent effort.

1. Make time daily to be present

Begin to introduce presence by being intentionally slow and mindful for at least part of your day. Sit on a park bench for 5 minutes, sit and have a cup of tea, go for a walk… and do just that thing.

2. Stop multi-tasking

We pride ourselves on multi-tasking, but really, it’s sensory overload and is the quickest way to raise your cortisol levels. Presence is about quality over quantity. It’s about relishing a moment rather than rushing to get to the next moment. Practice doing one thing at a time. When you go for a walk– go without your phone and actually take in your surroundings. When you eat dinner– turn the TV off and actually taste your food. There is so much opportunity for joy throughout the day, but we diminish our ability to experience pleasure by denying the present moment.

Presence is a practice, and one that’s well worth devoting yourself to. After all, what’s the point of life if we are so distracted that we’re hardly able to savour the life we’re living?

Happiness begins with the present moment.

“Most humans are never fully present in the now, because unconsciously they believe that the next moment must be more important than this one. But then you miss your whole life, which is never not now.”

–Eckhart Tolle

Work smarter, not harder

We are societally programmed to believe that hard work leads to success. Yet what if there is another way? An easier, more comfortable way?

When it comes to achieving what you want to achieve, working harder is not the answer.

Do you feel that it is?

You’re not alone.

We are societally programmed to believe that hard work leads to success. Yet, what if there is another way? An easier, more comfortable way?

The alternative is not to work harder, but to work smarter, where working smarter means being authentically, energetically aligned* with whatever it is you’re wanting.

This does not come from hard work, but from the ability to listen to our intuition, which speaks of what we need and what we are truly ready for at any point in time.

* By energetic alignment, I mean: the peace and ease we feel when our thoughts, feelings and intentions compliment and work in conjunction with one another. When we are aligned, we are closest to our true nature. When we experience positive emotion, this is evidence of alignment. When we feel negative emotion, we are misaligned and in an energetic state of resistance, working against our true nature.

Hard work often comes from feelings of fear and thoughts about our own inadequacy.

We fear we aren’t enough; we fear we are never going to get there, and so we push; slogging ourselves in an effort to overcome our anxieties. Running from something, nonetheless, will never make it go away. Be as productive as you like, but if you’re acting from a place of insecurity, the work will be energetically misaligned and breed further anxiety and dissatisfaction.

For your work to be smart work, the action needs to be inspired.

This comes from truly knowing your intentions. Listen to your emotions, they are your guide. Why do you want what you want? Are you taking action through fear, or through genuine inspiration? Are you denying any natural instincts in the process?

It’s not about doing hard work, it’s about doing the right kind of work. (Quality over quantity.)

Hard work is pointless if you’re out of alignment. If you’re feeling uncertain, fearful, overwhelmed, desperate or bad in any way, it would be a more productive use of your time to meditate, or to have a cup of tea, watch a movie, have a nap, play a game or visit a friend. (Anything that eases resistance and lifts your mood.) Believe it or not, this will get you closer to what you want than hard work. Why? Because life is energy, where like attracts like, and happiness attracts success more than effort.

The bottom line?

Work less, and spend more time doing the things that light you up.

You may just find that as you let go, you’ll come into alignment with everything you ever wanted.

If you’re a high achiever, you will likely feel lazy and anxious about taking your foot off the peddle. It might feel like you’re giving up.

Trust the process.

After years of hustling, I began to practice this for myself last year. Firsthand, I can attest that surrender opens doors. As I took my foot off the peddle, miraculously, opportunities came flooding in. Why? Because, rather than hustle for the things that I believed would make me more complete, I decided to be happy first– and happiness begets happiness!

“If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now.”

–Unknown

Be easy about your life, and follow your joy. Joy is the answer.

Releasing unwanted thoughts and feelings

A simple, practical tool for releasing unwanted thoughts and feelings.

Today I want to share a practical tool that I have found extremely useful in releasing old, unwanted habits of thought and negative emotion. It is one of the foundational tools I teach when I work with an individual on shifting limiting beliefs. The tool can be thought of as a practical means of surrender, and is called going limp.

I was taught going limp at drama school, where we used it both personally and in our work, and honestly, it has changed my life.

Going Limp

What is it?

I guess you could call it a mental action. It’s a conscious request you make to yourself to surrender. Whilst the decision to go limp is a cognitive decision, the going limp itself is a feeling process.

Literally, to go limp is to relax. If your body is in a state of tension, being limp is the opposite: complete physical relaxation. As this is a mental action, to go limp is to relax mental tension (resistance in the way of thoughts and negative emotion.)

How do you go limp?

You need to train your mind to go limp, so at first, practice it like you would an affirmation. Say to yourself: I go limp, and feel into a place of mental relaxation. Whilst practicing, hold onto the impression of being limp for 10 seconds or so, then just let it go. Keep coming back to it, and over time, you will automatically recall the sensation of being limp as it becomes muscle-memory.

A metaphor for going limp is to imagine you are holding a bunch of balloons, and then you just let them go, allowing them to float away.

Going limp is to surrender control, and to simply allow what is. It is acceptance, like shrugging and saying to yourself: ‘okay’.

Going limp is not repression. It shouldn’t feel like you’re holding a cork under water, but quite the opposite: like letting go of a cork you’ve been trying to suppress, letting it bounce back to the surface where it wants to go.

It should feel easy.

Another metaphor for going limp is the way Hermione Granger deals with Devil’s Snare in the film version of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Upon contact, Devil’s Snare (a plant) wraps itself around it’s victim, threatening to suffocate it. The way to free yourself of Devil’s Snare is not to fight it, but to surrender to it. By releasing the struggle, Hermione becomes encompassed by the plant at first, but is then released by it and set free.

When to go limp?

Whenever you feel negative emotion or the presence of unwanted thoughts, you can go limp. When we experience negative thoughts and emotions, our usual response is to either engage with them, or to try and fight them. Both only give the thought or emotion more power. Like with Devil’s Snare, the more you struggle the stronger it becomes.

When you allow a thought or emotion to exist without trying to control it, you are actually saying “I see you, and I accept you for what you are, but I will not try to control you because I know you are just a thought/ emotion and you do not define me.” Through acceptance comes surrender, and the thought/ emotion is weakened, eventually setting you free.

I hope that you find this tool helpful. I welcome any questions if you’re wanting to find out more or are struggling to apply it. It’s a simple tool, but can sometimes take time to feel into. Nonetheless, it’s a game changer once you get the hang of it!

Photo by Sirirak Boonruangjak from Pexels

This too shall pass

On enjoying what you have now before it’s gone.

You may have heard the phrase “this too shall pass.” A reminder of life’s impermanence, and the inevitability of change.

We often use this expression to remind ourselves that the bad times will pass; times of suffering and turmoil. To remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how overwhelming life feels in this moment. It’s a great reminder in those times. Nonetheless, it’s interesting to consider the impermanence of all that we experience– the good and the uncomfortable– because you just never know what you’ll miss once it’s gone…

This is something I’ve been reflecting on for myself recently. As I’ve thought about the past, and my life over the past 10 years, I’ve been thinking about what I liked, what I disliked, what I’m glad for, and what I’d do differently if I could. There is a lot I’d do differently… but the thing that stood out to me was the fact that everything turned out okay. Despite my anxieties and the need to control things and predict outcomes, everything was always okay. It made me realise: we spend so much time worrying about where we are at (the problems we have) and fretting about the future, that we overlook all the good things about where we are at right now.

And so, I asked myself this question:

If I had known then that everything would work out, that I’d reach the destination regardless, what would I do differently?

Here’s my answer:

I’d let go more, relax and let myself have WAY more fun
I’d love the heck out of everything that I had whilst I had it: the friendships, the holidays, the flatmates, the experiences, even the lessons… Because I realise now that it was all impermanent. It’s gone now, and I can never have it back.

It may sound dramatic that I am having these realisations now, but I’d much rather have them in my 20’s than on my death bed– as is the experience of most.

Bonnie Ware, a palliative care nurse, wrote a book called “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” where she speaks of the common regrets shared amongst those facing their own mortality:

To have lived a life true to myself, and not the life others expected of me.
To have not worked so hard.
To have had the courage to express my feelings.
To have stayed in touch with my friends.
To have let myself be happier.

My realisations about all of this, the “this too shall pass” has made me determined to approach my present life in a different way. I don’t want to die with regrets. I want to die knowing that I lived and loved fully, and appreciated every moment of my life as I lived it. And so, I’ve begun to ask myself now:

If I know for sure that 10 years from now, everything will have worked out for me, how would I approach life now?

My answer? In the same way that I wish I’d lived in the past. I would let go more, relax, have more fun and love the heck out of everything I have whilst I have it, knowing that it is impermanent. Because things could change tomorrow, or they could change in a couple of months time, and letting go of certain things scares me. Mortality IS frightening… But don’t hide from it. Embrace it and love what you have while it lasts.

“I want to feel my life while I’m in it”

–Meryl Streep

*To read more about Bonnie Ware and “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying”> https://bronnieware.com/

-Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash

Working with resistance

There are days when you’re in flow, and there are days when everything feels like an effort. How can you approach days where you feel resistance?

There are days when you’re in flow, and there are days when everything feels like an effort. I refer to the latter as experiencing resistance. If you take this literally, it’s like you’re putting all your weight against a boulder that just won’t budge. Or, you’re trying to swim upstream, pushing against the current.

I can often feel resistance in my body. I feel tense, knotted in my chest, heavy in my legs and sometimes my belly.

Mentally, I feel drained and angsty and frustrated. Sometimes I feel depressed, and sometimes I want to hide.

Honestly, these are the days when you just feel heavy and crappy.

Days like these can be really tricky to navigate– especially when you have obligations or plans for that day. You can’t just go back to bed; you need to persevere with the days events to a certain degree. Nonetheless, you don’t have to suffer your way through the day.

So, how can you approach these days? How can you work with the resistance? (Because if you can’t go back to bed, you’ve got to work with it.)

It’s natural to try and push through the resistance; to persevere as if nothing is wrong. If you take the boulder metaphor, however, this will often cause you to feel worse. You’re going to want to back off to a certain degree. Swimming upstream never got anybody anywhere. You’ve got to find a way to go with the flow.

First and foremost, don’t ignore how you’re feeling.

If you’re feeling crappy, there’s a reason for it. You don’t necessarily need to dig deep into the reason, but something’s going on and it doesn’t help to deny it. Denying it is swimming upstream. Acknowledge that you are feeling off. Allow it to be what it is. Allow yourself to be what you are: mess, frustrations, bad hair, bloating and all.

Then:

Find out what you need.

Ask yourself: What do I need right now? What do I need today?

A need is likely not being met- hence why you feel crappy. You may not know what you need, so just find the next best thing.

It can be really simple. Sometimes, all you need is to sit for 10 minutes with a coffee. Or, you just need a really good laugh.

Maybe you need a break? Maybe you just need company; to meet up with a friend or family member and have a good chat and a giggle. To feel connected.

Maybe you need a rest? Perhaps it’s possible for you to lighten your schedule for that day or take the day off entirely.

When I feel like this, I often need to bring some fun into my day, or something that evokes the senses. On days like this, I have found myself:

grabbing coffee and sitting in the park
bribing myself with shorter work intervals and more frequent breaks
spontaneously driving up the coast to my favourite beach
texting a friend and meeting them for lunch
taking myself on a date to the movies (with a cheeky glass of wine at the wine bar prior)
lying on the bed listening to moody music
watching stand-up comedy or a rom-com
sharing a tub of Ben and Jerry’s with my partner

Whatever works. Whatever reinstalls (even if marginally) feelings of comfort, peace, joy, love and ease. Just find the next best thing, and navigate the day as best you can.

“Do the best you can until you know better, then when you know better, do better.”

– Maya Angelou

When was the last time you took a sabbatical?

Most of us tear through life without really pausing to question whether we are living in a way that is aligned with our values. This is why it’s important to slow down every now and then.

When was the last time you took a sabbatical?

We live in a society that values busyness and hard work, where too much rest can be deemed lazy or indulgent. We also live in a society that is over-worked, where disease and stress have been increasing– despite advances in contemporary medicine set to decrease these statistics. Why? Because we work too hard, and don’t take enough time to rest and care for our individual needs.

This year, I’ve been working on incorporating more down time into my schedule.

My decision to do this came as a result of my realising that hard work and over-productivity was making me deeply unhappy. I began experiencing regular burnout, prolonged feelings of stress and overwhelm and semi-regular migraines, prompting me to sit down and ask myself a couple of honest questions:

Am I actually happy?

Am I working toward something worthwhile, something I want?

Or, am I simply working for the sake of working?

Most of us tear through life without really pausing to question whether we are living in a way that is aligned with our values. This is why it’s important to slow down every now and then, to get still and reflect upon the life you are living. A car going 100km/ph cannot change tack at that speed. It needs to ease momentum in order to turn or change direction. Only when we pause can we truly re calibrate and redirect our compass if desired.

Enter the sabbatical.

Sabbatical’s are extended periods of rest– typically from work, but, as I see it, from life in general (from all expectations and obligations.) You could get away for a couple of weeks, or you could stay at home. Then, allow yourself to let go of everything and truly rest and recover from the hustle and bustle of your daily routine.

I typically take a sabbatical around the New Year, to recover from and reflect upon the year that’s been. I like to give myself 2 weeks+ if possible, for I find that it usually takes at least the first week to be able to really relax into a state of rest. Once I’m truly rested, I find that something magical tends to happen… My inspiration comes back! A newfound sense of clarity is reborn, and I have a clearer idea of where I’m at and what I’d like to work on moving forward. I take the time to refine my ideas and set some goals. By the time my sabbatical is coming to an end, I am usually chomping at the bit to get going, reinvigorated and excited about my life. This is how life should feel– and this is the beauty of deep rest.

I find sabbaticals so enriching that I am beginning to work them in more than once a year, just for a couple of days. This isn’t a period of deep rest so much as a purposeful chance to pause, reflect and re calibrate where necessary; to check in with myself and ensure I’m on the track I want to be on.

When you’re used to leading a busy life, it can seem impossible to take a sabbatical. You may be concerned about your work commitments, or the fact that it’s impossible to get away from your family, particularly if there are kids involved. If you feel such obligations, you’re likely in even greater need of a sabbatical! Just do what you can, and remember: your needs are just as important as anybody else’s.

“We would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant, and truly see the things that matter most.”

– Dieter F. Uchtdorf

When was the last time you took a sabbatical?

Manifestation and the Law of Attraction

Breaking down the Law of Attraction and the specifics of Manifestation.

The Law of Attraction is a somewhat convoluted subject, and one that is easily misinterpreted or plain misunderstood. Due to the mis-information out there, many become disillusioned, for they come to see that simple methods aren’t working for them and conclude that either

a) the Law of Attraction is bunk, or

b) I don’t have what it takes.

In actual fact, there is just a lack of understanding.

This is a subject I am intrigued by, and have researched and applied (through trial and error) for many years now. Here, I share my insights into the manifestation process and the practical application of the Law of Attraction in an effort to make it more clearly understood.

1. Understanding the Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction says: like attracts like.

“The essence of that which is like unto itself, is drawn”

–Esther Hicks

The basis of our physical universe is energy, where everything resonates at a particular vibrational frequency. It is the energy– or more specifically, the vibrational frequency of our thoughts and feelings– that create our reality.

(E)motions= energy in motion.

It is said that ‘thoughts create things.’ To take it one step further, it is the emotions evoked by your thoughts that are the primal factor when it comes to the Law of Attraction. The universe responds to vibration, not to your thoughts specifically. Think of yourself like a magnet, where you draw unto yourself that which is most alike the energy you hold in your body, and emit via your surrounding energy field.

The Law of Attraction is an unconscious process until you learn to harness it’s power by taking responsibility for your thoughts and emotions and purposefully directing your energy.

2. The practical application of the Law of Attraction

In essence, manifestation is a matter of:

1. Recognising your desire
2. Aligning with your desire
3. Receiving

For more on recognising what you truly want, you can read about it here. This post focuses on steps 2 and 3.

-Alignment

Like attracts like, therefore, you need to find a way to align vibrationally with the thing that you want.

Wealth is a popular desire; people are wanting more money all the time. Asking for it is the easy part. Aligning with the vibrational reality of having more money is the difficult part. Why? Because people tend to remain focused on that which is right in front of them, which is often the lack of the thing that they want. They ask for money, but continue to think thoughts such as ‘I don’t have enough money… I’ll never be able to pay for that… I can’t afford it.’ These thoughts keep them in a vibrational place of lack. You can’t attract wealth when you feel lack. The vibrational frequencies of the two are too different.

You have to shift your attention from your current reality to your desired reality. To do this, you have to go against the ‘reality-checkers’ of the world and live a little with your head in the clouds. Your current reality is simply a result of your energetic standpoint thus far– but at any point, you can influence a change in direction to create a different future.

You need to change your thinking to match your desire. In the example of attracting more wealth, you have to begin thinking thoughts that evoke feelings of wealth. E.g. ‘money comes easily and frequently to me. I always have enough money to pay for the things I want/ need. Money is on the way.’

-Emotions are key

Your emotions are your internal guidance system. They indicate your dominant vibrational perspectives. The below image is a great visual indicator of the vibrational frequencies emitted by our emotions.

–Image via https://freedomwithin.org/

Love, abundance, joy and peace are all of a high vibrational frequency. The higher your vibration (the better you feel emotionally) the more easily you’re able to attract the things that you desire, for the things we desire are often of a high vibrational nature.

A good rule of thumb is to prioritise feeling really good. If you do little else but continually practice shifting your emotions to that of joy and peace, you will inevitably find personal happiness, for you will naturally align with more things that bring you joy and peace. Joy begets joy, et al.

-Your thoughts influence your emotions

To shift your emotional state, pay attention to your thoughts. Our thoughts influence the way we feel. Identify the thought, and see if you can find a better-feeling thought. The idea is to guide your way to a better-feeling place.

Thoughts are just thoughts. As such, a thought does not have to define you unless you allow it. The more you think a thought, the stronger it’s vibrational frequency. Bear in mind that some thoughts will require more time and patience as you work to shift them. This doesn’t mean they will never shift, nor does it give any evidence to the thought being true. A well-thought thought is like a knot that needs to be pulled at gradually until it falls apart altogether.

3. Tools for aligning with your desire:

1. Visualisation

The mind doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined stimuli. Therefore, visualising for as little as 5 minutes can really help you to align with your desire. Remember– emotions are key, so focus on evoking the desired emotional response when it comes visualisation. Think about the way you wish to feel. It can also help to cross-reference with ways you feel that way already, i.e. looking for evidence of your desire in your current reality.

2. Affirming statements

Affirmations that reinforce the feeling of having the thing that you desire. You’ve got to feel as though you already have it. I’m careful using the word ‘affirmation’ for I feel affirmations are often misunderstood. They only work if, on some level, you already believe them. For example, there’s no point telling yourself ‘I’m rich’ if it’s too far a stretch from your current reality. You want to find a thought that resonates as true to a certain degree already, such as ‘my financial situation is improving.’ Once this idea solidifies, you can find the next best affirming thought from there, such as ‘I have plenty of money to live comfortably’, gradually working your way up the emotional scale and improving your vibrational frequency in relation to that subject over time.

-A word on resistance

“Resistance is about believing that you are vulnerable… and holding a stance of protection.”

–Abraham Hicks

Sometimes, you will encounter resistance, which presents itself as ‘not allowing’ the thing you desire, or feeling negative emotion when you think about what you want (discomfort, frustration, etc.) In my experience, this usually indicates subconscious blocks, such as opposing self-beliefs contradicting your desire.

Just as pushing against a wall won’t make it move, pushing against resistance won’t work either. The only way to work with resistance is to adopt an attitude of patience and re-direct your attention so as to ease the momentum of any negative emotions you may be feeling.

The other thing I’ve learned is that sometimes, you’re simply not ready to manifest the thing that you want. You’re not ready to change. That’s okay, for there’s really no rush. Therefore, if you encounter resistance, let it all go for a while and endeavour to return to your desire later. In the meantime, focus on re-balancing your emotions and finding ways to enhance your sense of peace and joy.

-Letting go

Manifestation is a fine balance of specific focus and surrender.

The final step is to get out of your own way and let it all go. Hand it over the universe, and say to yourself “ if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

There’s much to learn about this subject (I’m still learning) yet it’s a process that gets easier the more you practice and see for yourself what works and what doesn’t.

If you’re like me, you’ll eventually come to realise that the specifics of what you desire come second to your general feelings of wellbeing, peace and fulfillment– and these can be found by simply learning to harness your emotions. Also, if you just get out of your own way, the universe tends to deliver things to you that you could never have possibly imagined! Feel good, and the rest will follow.

The power in letting go of who you think you should be

A personal experiment in surrendering to the flow of life.

“Let go of what you think you need, and what you really need will show up”

–Gabrielle Bernstein

This is my biggest experience as of late: letting go of who I think I should be in order to allow space for who I could be. There is so much relief and liberation in this experience. It’s not complete, yet I’m finding it such a valuable (and universal) lesson that I want to share what I make of it so far.

Hypothesis:

1. Life works better when you surrender control and go with the flow.

2. When you let go of your expectations of who you think you should be and what your life should be like, you open yourself up to greater happiness and abundance than you could ever otherwise create for yourself.

Why the decision to let go?

Honestly, I was exhausted. I was tired of chasing and hustling to be a version of myself that I once decided I needed to be in order to be happy.

I’ve never been able to sit still. I’m always working on something; toward something, whether that’s a better body, fame, status, wealth. Different facets, but all driven by the same unconscious need: be better, rise above. Prove yourself.

It’s great to have a dream– but, become too attached to it and you sabotage your own happiness at the expense of always living for a future you can never guarantee. Goals inspire action– yet, become too attached to the achievement of your goals and you risk perpetual feelings of inadequacy. The dilemma? Chasing a vision so hard that you forget to experience the life that is happening for you in this very moment. And, if your vision is skewed (like mine was) you deny yourself in the process. My intentions were not pure, but tainted by an idea that I needed to prove my worthiness and earn my love.

“If you can’t join them- beat them.” This had been my mantra since schoolgirl days, decided upon as a solution to endless days of suffering at my inability to belong. For me, worthiness and love sat on a pedestal alongside my one-day Academy Award, high above the heads of all those who never seemed to see me. I’ve been on a never-ending mission to reach that pedestal, believing that without it, I’m love-less and worthless.

I got tired– tired of failing, and sick of being denied love and happiness. My happiness was always pending, and after a while, the angst of waiting and of being denied grinds you down.

Furthermore, the more awareness I gained about my subconscious motivations, the harder it became to ignore them. All it took was for me to reach an eventual tipping point, whereby my craving for happiness outweighed my need for validation.

Most of us live in this way (hustling for happiness and worthiness that we believe exists outside of ourselves.) For me, comprehending how I was living in this way was one thing, whilst having the courage to surrender is another.

Surrendering who you think you should be

It takes courage to give up your own expectations of who you think you should be, for it’s frightening to consider the consequences. Who will I become? You’re wrangling the unknowns. What will become of me? We fear that if we stop running and fighting, the very things that we are running from will catch up to us and envelope us, defining us in new ways (a failure, a loser, a nobody, unlovable, etc.)

For me, I was so fed up that I figured I had nothing to lose. I realised that I wasn’t necessarily becoming more lovable and worthy amidst all my efforts, hence, what was the point in knocking on the same door day after day?

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

–Albert Einstein

There’s something else too: I know by now that searching for love and validation outside of oneself is never the answer. I know that my efforts to prove myself were bunk, for how true were the beliefs about my lovability (or perceived lack thereof) in the first place? Probably not true at all. I came to comprehend that I had spent years chasing something that didn’t need to be chased.

“I wish everyone could get rich and famous and have everything they ever dreamed of so they would know that’s not the answer.”

–Jim Carey

A lesson in faith

There is a certain liberation in uncertainty when you choose to embrace it rather than fear it. New Covid restrictions in Sydney aided my decision to let go. With nowhere to go and no way of knowing when certainty would return, I was able to lean into the uncertainty more easily.

Practical steps I’ve taken as I let go

1. I’ve given up on things that I have come to realise I don’t really want.

This has included a long list of projects and endeavours that I came to see I felt more burdened by than inspired by. Once erased from my schedule, this left me with very little to do. But for the occasional bout of anxiety, my cluttered schedule is not missed, for I’ve shed projects that I’ve come to see were never meant for me in the first instance– at least not at this time.

2. I’ve prioritised solid self-care practices to help me tune into my intuition.

This currently includes a daily practice of yoga, journalling, meditation and exercise, and helps me stay connected to the subtle inner guidance that leads me towards my true path at this time.

3. I am practicing following my joy.

I’m asking myself regularly: what do I find fun? What brings me pleasure? Joy begets joy, and so I figure: if I want to manifest true happiness and abundance, I must first seek out the things that bring me joy.

4. I’m handing my dreams over to the universe.

I can no longer carry the burden of trying to control my future. As such, I’m handing it over to a higher power, whilst choosing to trust that my inner being will guide me toward my highest good.

Conclusion:

Expectations carry a lot of weight, and the lightness I feel from having released the shackles is the most noticeable difference so far. My anxiety has reduced, and I feel a greater sense of peace and freedom. This is a process nonetheless, and the night is young.

“Whatever will be will be”

–Aaliyah

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Control what you can, surrender what you can’t

By choosing to control what you can – and only what you can – you take your power back.

I’m an advocate for self-empowerment. It is the cornerstone of my teachings and my own self-development journey.

What does it mean to be self-empowered?

Essentially: To be in control, or to have autonomy over oneself– extending (but not limited) to self-beliefs, emotions and actions.

In empowering yourself, bear in mind the following:
Control what you can, surrender to what you can’t (control.)

We cannot control our external environment: other people and our future.
We CAN control out internal environment: our thoughts and emotions.

When we fail to take control of our inner world, we become victims, powerless to circumstances, the actions of others and even to our own thoughts and emotions.

You have more control than you think.

To be self-empowered is to govern yourself and your inner world.
By choosing to control what you can (your personal life) you take your power back– And there is so much power to tap into when your really get to know yourself. All of the peace, fulfillment and love that you desire resides within.

What you can’t control:

1. The specifics of how your future will pan out, including: job opportunities and world events.

2. The way in which you change or influence others, if at all.

3. The thoughts, actions and behaviours of others.

Therefore: LET IT GO, and focus on that which you can control.

What you can control:

1. The thoughts you have in response to something that has happened.

2. Your emotional state. Your emotions are autonomous to begin with– but you have the power to shift them once you’re aware of them.

3. The way you spend your time. The self-empowered person makes time for activities that bring them personal fulfillment on a regular basis– in this way, directly influencing their health and sense of freedom and happiness.

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

-Arthur Ashe

Be part of the solution, not a part of the problem

The more we give ourselves permission to be who we truly are, the more we permit others to do the same.

“Be part of the solution, not a part of the problem.”

– Stephen R. Covey

What does it mean to be part of the solution, not a part of the problem?

It means being willing to stand out from the crowd, and to be potentially greeted with adversity or judgement.

It means being courageous as you stand by your values, whilst having faith in the bigger picture (the solution.)

It takes strength and a willingness to return (over and over) to that which feels authentically true to you.

But first– here’s why I’ve been reflecting upon this:

From time to time, I have a realisation that I am hard-wired to not belong. I have things about me that stand out, and which I have spent my life trying to repress and reshape. I’m one of those people who never felt like they truly fit in at school. I’m idealistic, opinionated and ambitious. I fall for complexity over simplicity and adventure over security. I’m sexually fluid, occasionally outspoken, I didn’t go to university, I don’t have a 9-5 job, I’m not particularly interested in marriage and my future children may or may not come about as a result of IVF.

I often wish that I were ‘normal’, and that I was able to blend in with the crowd. Life would certainly be easier if I were straight with a boyfriend and a secure job with a dependable income and a mortgage and a small group of close friend and a dog and no reason to stand out.

Wouldn’t it?

The more I think about it, the more I come to think that maybe none of us truly belong…

This gives even more reason to be a part of the solution, for the more we give ourselves permission to be who we truly are, the more we permit others to do the same.

What does it mean to be a part of the problem?

Trying to change who you truly are in order to belong.

For me, this whole concept best presents itself in the way of body image:

Since adolescence, when I first began to develop, I’ve been in denial about my body shape. My body has always been fairly strong, and whilst I’m not by any means overweight, I’ve always felt that my body is too ‘big’. I’d look at pictures in magazines of models with zero curve nor body fat and I’d tell myself that in order to be truly accepted, I must undergo a metamorphosis of sorts. The effort I’ve made to transform my body via diets, exercise and by only wearing particular clothing has plagued me for the majority of the past 12 years. As I said– I’m not overweight, yet I feel that my curves and strength betray me. They make me stand out just that little bit too much. If I were smaller, I wonder, then perhaps I’d blend in?

Body image is undergoing a revolution, and diversity is beginning to be portrayed in the media. Nonetheless, we still have a way to go.

By denying my body, I deny others who have the same type of body as me. By trying to change it, I contribute to the problem.

For me, being a part of the solution is to embrace my body as it is: a body that is perfectly feminine and strong, but that doesn’t fit in in terms of media standards. For I know that it’s a relief to see somebody on screen or in the media who looks like you. It makes you think “well if they can do it, so can I.”

What does it mean to be a part of the solution?

There are others out there who need you to be you, for it reassures them that there is no reason to be ashamed of who they truly are.

Essentially, this means: don’t try to change who you are in order to fit in.

Embrace who you are, for the sake of your own peace of mind, but also for the liberation of all humanity.

Embrace your body and your flaws.

Embrace your mental health and your struggles.

Share your stories and opinions (but don’t be a troll.)

Take down the shield and allow yourself to be seen.

We are all tired of pretence, aren’t we? It’s exhausting and prompts separation among us.

To be a part of the solution is to release the need to add filters and photoshop your life. None of us are flawless and nobody is the same. Wouldn’t it be a relief is we could all stop pretending that perfection exists and that life is a one-size-fits-all?

The more we give ourselves permission to be who we truly are, the more we permit others to do the same.

What it means to live in a state of surrender

Energetically, surrender is a place of acceptance, open-mindedness and intuition. If you begin here, any action you take will be more aligned.

Today, I’m reflecting on what it means to live in a state of surrender.

To clarify first and foremost, surrender is NOT giving up.

Surrender is letting go, going with the flow, releasing.

There is that classic image of the soldier putting down their weapon and throwing their hands in the air, saying ‘I surrender.’ To run with this image, the action of surrender shows a willingness to put down one’s weapons and give up the fight. Maybe it’s to declare victory to a more powerful force, or to welcome the possibility of a new way of going about the fight. Nonetheless, giving up the fight is exactly what I’m getting at.

When we are fighting, we are in the hustle. We are working and doing, using our productivity and power of force to make things happen. The idea here is: If I work hard enough (if I put in enough time and muscle) I will get to where I want to be going. Energetically, this is the epitome of the masculine.

To give up the fight is to embrace BEING rather than DOING. It is to honour the flow, and the cyclical nature of life. It is to trust in the guidance of a higher power; to know that you’re not going this alone. It is to give up control, in realising that control is an illusion to begin with. Energetically, this is the epitome of the feminine.

The key, I believe, is to finely balance both, but to always start with surrender. Energetically, surrender is a place of acceptance, open-mindedness and intuition. If you begin here, any action you take will be more aligned and purposeful.

Here are three ways you can practice surrender:

1. Begin each day with surrender

The idea is to find that place (emotionally) of ease and acceptance right off the bat. You set the tone for the day first thing in the morning. How you achieve this is up to you. Perhaps it’s making a cup of tea and enjoying it with a book. Maybe it’s going for a walk. For me, it’s journaling and meditation.

2. When you find yourself in the fight, put down your weapon

This takes mindfulness as you go about your day. Literally, this may mean walking away when you find yourself in conflict with somebody. Stopping to grab some water or fresh air when you’re overworking and tying yourself in knots. Noticing when you’re stressed and pausing to breathe. It may even mean taking the day off to rest and release.

3. Pause regularly to appreciate

Appreciation is vibrationally the best and quickest way you can practice the energy of acceptance. Appreciation can be practiced by simply acknowledging the things that you love about your life right now, and looking for things in your immediate environment that please you.

If it feels easy, it probably is. If it feels hard, you’re likely overthinking it.

Surrender is a feeling process. It is matter of learning to lean on your emotional guidance and intuition over force and action.

Meditation is one of the best ways of practicing surrender. Follow this link to download my free 7 minute ‘happy place’ meditation for freedom and calm.

How to stop over-thinking

Why over-think and how to stop it.

Over-thinking.

I’m struggling HEAPS with over-thinking this week, so I thought I’d transfer my over-thinking here and break it down. Let’s over-think over-thinking together.

Why over-think?

1. Fear of the unknown

Where overthinking is a means of trying to maintain a sense of control by thinking through all possible outcomes.

2. Fear of failure, or perfectionism

Stalling on taking action by running around and around in circles, chipping at an idea in order to refine it. We think: if I keep refining it, I’ll significantly reduce my chances of failure.

Anxiety is the predominant feeling attached to over-thinking.

The outcome of overthinking is usually: a slowing down of events. You stall future circumstances by taking an extra long time to consider all possibilities.

Ways to overcome over-thinking:

1. Recognise that control is an illusion

We are NEVER in control. We just think that we should be, or that we can be if we work hard enough to handle all the various elements of our life.

2. Know that you can’t solve anything by attempting to think your way out of it

When you’re hitting a wall, thinking about it will only amplify the resistance you’re feeling. You’ve got to walk away from the wall.

If you’re overthinking, you’re in a resistant state of mind. You’re swimming upstream. You’re banging your head against a wall. Turn and head in the other direction. Practically, this means: take a walk, meditate, listen to music… Whatever it takes to switch focus and get off the subject. By taking your attention off of the thing you’re over-thinking, you allow the dust to settle…

This post is a short one, because over-thinking really shouldn’t be overthought. Whilst useful to understand, the idea is that it should not be dealt with cognitively. So drop from your head back into your body, and feel your way away from your thoughts.

How to stop comparing yourself to others

Comparison to others is natural and serves a purpose, but it can also get the better of us. How do we better deal with comparison when it takes over?

I find comparison to others be a constant battle. (The prompt for this post was a need to nut out my own anxieties around the subject.)

Wouldn’t the road of life be easier if there was no competition?

I quite like the idea of being alone in the world, with no one beside me to size myself up against. Without the pressure of another’s existence, I can imagine that I would be quite content to do, be and have whatever I please, for there would be no measure but my own internal guidance system. There would be no time pressures and no fear of failure, because the time I took and the mistakes I made would be relevant only to myself.

When we compare ourselves to others, we are assessing the similarities or dissimilarities between us and them. Comparison is a natural thing to do, for we humans are all about belonging, and comparison contributes to our need to assess where we fit in with the rest of the tribe (society.) My theory then, is that comparison is directly linked with a fear of not belonging.

What if we could have both? What if we could be sure of our place in this world (belonging) whilst also maintaining the impression of living only for ourselves?

Comparison serves a purpose, which I believe you can harness to work for you rather than against you. To clarify, therefore, this post isn’t necessarily about stopping comparison for good, but rather, about adjusting your relationship to comparison so that it causes less harm.

Everything in life is a matter of perspective. In pursuit of greater empowerment, freedom, joy and authenticity for myself and my readers, I desire to crack open the topic of comparison. Here are my 5 tips to stop comparing yourself to others:

1. Positive emotion is your compass

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

–Theodore Roosevelt

Basically, it makes you feel crap when you compare yourself to others, and this is because it takes you out of alignment with yourself.

Imagine that you are encompassed by a vortex of energy. Another mental image for this could be a tornado. Encompassed by this rapidly rotating whirlwind of energy is all that you are; your unique standpoint. Your individual dreams, desires and needs; your tendency to love and be joyful; your ecstasy and abundance. Abraham Hicks calls this your “vortex of creation.” I liken it to your individual ‘God’ energy, or Higher Self. This is who you truly are.

Our emotions serve as a guide, where the better we feel, the more aligned we are with our Higher Power. Positive emotion, therefore, is your compass.

When you step outside of your unique vortex of creation, you often feel bad.

When I compare myself to others, I feel worthlessness, despair and doubt. These emotions are at the lower end of the emotional scale, indicating that I am not vibrating at the frequency of my all-loving authentic self, where all is always well.

When you turn to another for guidance in the form of comparison, the suffering you feel is real. I think of it as your Higher Self looking down on you, like, “excuse me! Over here. Y’all are looking in the wrong direction!”

2. Those that you envy are your expanders

When you envy somebody, it is because you recognise that they have something that you desire. If you didn’t desire it, you wouldn’t feel envy. This is because the opposite of genuine desire (love) is indifference. The fact that you have desire regarding something is evidence that that thing already exists in your vortex* of creation.

*To clarify, the vortex of creation is the “place” where everything that you desire to bring forth into your reality is realised in it’s vibrational form.

Here’s where you can shift your perspective. Rather than envy somebody for the thing that they have that you want, recognise this as evidence that your desire already exists as a vibrational reality. This is all a matter of mindset.

When we feel envious, we are experiencing resistance to our desire. We feel envy because negative self-beliefs have been triggered. We therefore feel negative emotion rather than positive emotion when we think about the thing that we desire. If the negative self-beliefs weren’t there, then our desires would be accompanied by emotions of excitement and positive expectation.

There is a lesson, therefore, in those that you envy, and this is why I call them your expanders.

The bottom line?

Think of comparison as a potential for growth rather than evidence of your failure.

3. In comparing yourself to others, you deny yourself

It sounds cliche, but it is totally relevant and totally true:

“ Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

– Oscar Wilde

You came forth as a unique individual with specific wants and needs, ready to have a good time in this life.

Comparison (when it leads to suffering and that whole thread of self doubt) is basically a means of self rejection. You are denying your individual journey by telling yourself that you should be somebody that you are not. What if you are exactly who and where you intended to be?

4. Believe in your own journey

You are you for a reason, and your journey is as necessary and as sacred as the next persons.

Don’t fall too much for the materialistic measures of success that society and the media feed us, for they are not as they appear.

(I wrote a post on success that goes into detail on this. You can check it out here: What Does It Truly Mean To Be Successful?)

I believe that a person’s life purpose is more subtle than we tend to think it is. I like to consider this with Meryl Streep. On the outside, many might perceive her as superior due to the material success and fame that she has acquired. She is deemed “the best actress in the world”, but this doesn’t necessarily define her, nor her life’s purpose. Her purpose in this life might be “to learn more about compassion by considering other people’s perspectives.” Here, acting just so happens to be the right journey to assist in the learning of this life purpose.

I guess what I’m saying is: you never know what is going on behind the scenes. An individual’s journey is structured in a way that best allows them to grow in the way that their soul uniquely desires. The purpose of life is expansion, and only the soul knows what it needs to expand.

An individual’s journey is a predominantly subconscious process, and the timing of actualisation will always be right.

Believe, therefore, in right timing. Billie Eilish may have won a Grammy at 18, but this doesn’t reflect her ability to align with “success” over yours. It simply means that this was the experience Billie needed to be able to expand in the way her soul uniquely required at this point in time.

5. When it gets too much, look away

I’ve said this before, and I’m going to say it again: put your blinders on. Horse blinders are firm leather squares that attach to a horse’s bridle and prevent the horse from seeing behind and beside him. The idea is to stop the horse from getting distracted or ‘spooked’. There’s no shame in just shutting it all out if it becomes too overwhelming.

One way I actively put my blinders on is with social media. I am very particular about who I follow. I go by my intuition, as well as my emotions. If it (the content) makes me feel good, then I’ll keep it in my circle. If it makes me feel bad, I’ll remove it from my field of vision. That way, I can guarantee that my social media feed won’t provoke me in a way that encourages negative thoughts and self doubt.

Saying that, be mindful of your expanders. It’s good to be challenged every now and then, and it may serve you to think about why you’re being triggered by certain people or content. Only you can know.

What’s your experience with comparison to others? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to leave a comment below.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself and respect your individual journey.

What to do when you feel restricted by the pressure of time

The idea that we are restricted by time is an illusion. Here’s why I’ve decided to give up the hustle.

I am so glad to have come to a place recently where I very much feel that time does not restrict me.

Not so long ago, I was always hustling; just as a lot of people are always hustling. We hustle because of our perception of time, because we fear that there isn’t enough of it. Now that I’ve come to shift my perspective of time, I kinda struggle to justify what the rush was all about in the first instance?

I had a tendency to set myself a lot of deadlines, and many of them were unrealistic:

A couple of years ago, I wanted to tone up and lose a little bit of weight. 6 weeks was the deadline I set myself, with a target of 1kg per week. Realistic? Yes… but only by seriously decreasing my daily calorie intake whilst smashing out intense workouts 5 days a week. Who needs that kind of pressure?

I had an idea for a short film. I set myself the goal of writing and producing it within 6 months. Do-able? Yes, technically. But again, who needs that kind of pressure?!

I decided (pre-Covid, might I add) that I wanted to travel internationally, which was to include a road trip through North America, as well as a detour via Europe to catch up with old friends. This is totally possible– but extremely stressful with the timeline of 8 months that I was giving myself to save funds!

I’ve always been a high achiever, but why my ambition was served to me with a side of ‘hurry up’, I have no idea.

Well… I do have an idea.

Based on my experience, here’s what I think the race against time is all about:

1. A fear of dying before we get it all done

I don’t want to die having never achieved everything that I wanted to achieve.
I don’t want to die, despairing that I never became the version of myself that I wanted to become.
I don’t want to die with regret.

I think that it is totally natural and common for people to have this fear. Death is a concept that we tend to want to avoid as a society, as we can never be certain as to what death actually means. Does death really mean that we are no more? Is it permanent? Can we guarantee that there is an afterlife of some kind?

As per the examples from my past that I provided above:

I didn’t want to die before getting the chance to travel.

I didn’t want to die not being the ‘best’ version of myself, physically.

I was afraid of what it would mean if I didn’t produce that project before I would potentially never again have the chance.

The important thing here is this: it isn’t really about the things themselves (the travelling and the short film.) It’s about what those things represent.

2. A fear of what it will mean if we don’t get it all done

In other words: a fear that we will be unable to prove ourselves.

This refers specifically to the underlying beliefs and shameful thoughts that we have about ourselves. It is these negative beliefs and shameful thoughts that drive us as we strive to overcome them. It is the thought or belief, therefore, that scares us. What if the thought/ belief is true? We think that if we are unable to prove it wrong or override it in some way, it’ll define us and become the truth of our existence.

An old belief of mine (that I still like to entertain from time to time) is that I don’t matter. I push to get things done, such as a creative project, for the purpose of running from this thought. I hope that the final product (the completed short film, in this case) will render me important and worthy.

A fearful thought, to our minds, is like running from a predator. Time is of the essence, as we want to outrun the lion before it catches us first.

3. We fear it because the others’ fear it

Here, I believe that we simply work off of the others. We see that everyone else is hustling and rushing, and we think: maybe there is something that I’m missing? Nobody wants to get left behind.

The Tony Robbin’s* of the world tell us that we have to do it, and we have to do it NOW. My heart starts beating harder just hearing that concept. It’s stressful!

People that hustle and rush are just as vulnerable to negative self beliefs as the rest of us. Consider, therefore, that just because they encourage fast action, doesn’t mean that they are correct? Perhaps they are also afraid?

*I’m not dissing Tony Robbins specifically. I am referring to the vast pool of doers out there who emphasise action and encourage hustle. For me (and for many others I know) this sort of attitude can cause a lot of unnecessary anxiety. Hustling isn’t the only way to get things done.

Now that I’ve nutted out the problem, here’s what I think about the solution:

1. Put your blinders on

I first heard this phrase via life coach Connie Chapman in her podcast ‘Awaken Radio’ and I think it’s a brilliant metaphor for sticking to your own path. Horse blinders are firm leather squares that attach to a horse’s bridle and prevent the horse from seeing behind and beside him. The idea is to block out the others and focus on your own journey, free of comparison.

Everybody has their own, unique journey. End of story. Do yourself the favour of resisting the urge to compare, as well as resisting the urge to compete. There is no competition (unless you are in the Olympics) therefore there is no need to race.

Nobody knows your unique needs and desires more than you. Follow your instincts and do things in your own time.

2. Develop faith in your eternity

I could be stepping on a few toes, depending on what you believe, but I believe that we are all eternal beings.

Eternity is timeless, meaning there is plenty of ‘time’ to get it all done. Life, from this perspective, is an endless and steady stream of continually coming into alignment with a new and expanded version of yourself.

“If I’m standing in my physical body and am consciously connected to that eternal spirit, then I’m eternal in nature and I need not ever again fear any endedness, because, from that perspective I understand that there is not any of that.”
– Abraham Hicks

3. Figure out why you’re doing what you’re doing

If you feel pressured by time when it comes to your goals and desires, I’d be confident in saying for certain that it is because some sort of negative belief is plaguing you.

One of the best things that you can do for yourself is release erroneous and restricting beliefs. Life flows a whole lot better when you do, because you aren’t running! You are content with who you and where you are at right NOW. You know that you do not need the weight loss, new job, perfect partner, etc to complete you. Therefore, there is no rush.

It is predominantly this last point that has allowed me to shift my relationship with time. The less I fall for the thought that I am not enough, the more relaxed I feel in relation to my desires.

Be in it for the long haul, and prioritise joy and fulfilment by engaging fully with the present moment.